Fixing What Was Broken

[MacKenna Zielinski]

Mack was in a mostly happy place and grinned a bit even as Kai knocked.  She should probably be nice and give the man back his bathroom.  Instead he was reminding her about the jets and she had to admit she had been a little preoccupied with just soaking up having a bath that she had forgotten them.

 

After patting around for a moment she found it and flipped the dial on.  A happy moan that she worried for a moment might be heard outside of the bath rumbled out of her like a purr might have a cat.  Christ she hadn't realized how badly she needed something like this.

 

It was mildly shocking to her to realize this entailed more than just the bath.  It had been a long, long time since she felt...cared for.  That it was ok to let down walls and guards and that she didn't have to shoulder everything on her own.  She couldn't remember the last time she felt that, even with Trent she hadn't felt like she could leave the reins in his hands so to speak.  It was...a thought that had her frowning and worried to a degree.  Feeling like she could share a load with Kai was and wasn't a good thing.  Getting to attached to him was very unwise given their situation and their agreement.  

 

She needed to remember he wasn't permanent.  She could be ok with him for tonight but tomorrow, or in a week at most, they'd be going their separate ways.  The thought of it did not bring Mack any joy.

 

She couldn't have said how long she soaked in that tub, brooding about what a mess her life was.  Her fingers and toes were certainly as shriveled as prunes before she roused herself.  She might have stayed longer but she reminded herself that Kai had mentioned food, and that she could hardly sleep in the tub.  She had to get out there and face whatever her brain was trying to avoid if only so she might stop poking and picking at the bandages on her arms like a  bandaid that was hanging half off.

 

She had certainly caused a nice mist to form over things as well.  With a small grin stuck on her face for reasons she couldn't have said she wrapped a towel around herself, wet hair hanging down to her shoulders as she used a smaller towel to wipe away the steam on the mirror. 

 

Be it from the steam, the fright still lurking, or just her own mind cracking more from the strain; Mack let out a shriek.  The towel  dropped into the sink as she hit the floor and scrambled into a corner as if the mirror had sprouted horns.  She patted at her face in a panic even as she curled into a ball.

 

"Wasn't real!" she snapped at herself as she inspected legs and arms while huddled in a corner with a towel wrapped around her.  "Wasn't real..."

 

She'd seen it for just an instant...or maybe she just imagined it.  She'd been a zombie with blood all over her.  Part of her remembered thinking that earlier even as she discounted it.  Her nightmares had included her being a zombie all month and that was a classic PTSD symptom.  Actually so were hallucinations now that she thought of it.

 

That's what was wrong, she'd just finally cracked and started hallucinating.  Wasn't that just a bitch?

 

"Wasn't real," she told herself again, rapping her skull against the wall.  "Wasn't real."

[Kai Alexander Morgan]

He’d barely settled onto the couch to watch television before he heard the jets turn on, her appreciative sounds that followed had him rolling forward to find solace in the kitchen and food.  He was starving, and he needed distraction- nearly tiptoeing back to his study to eat his breakfast at midnight masterpiece.  Papers slid loosely over his desk as he ate standing up, going over some bills as she lingered in his bathroom.  Work always took his mind off the present.

 

Senses hairtriggered, even through the food and smell of gun oil persistent from his weapons he couldn’t get rid of the fact he’d purposely inundated himself with her again.  The morning was spent scrubbing her out of his world and off his skin, now she was everywhere- the moisture seeping into the most minute cracks in his fortress of solitude.  It would be nearly impossible to get her out this time.  He’d dug his hole, unable to leave her in danger and unwilling to force himself to do so despite the laundry list of reasons this was a bad idea.  It was the humanity he’d been chasing for so long, and now couldn’t deal with now that it was in his lap.

 

Plate was decimated as he stared out the window into the darkness, sinking into his leather chair at the desk under the warm and dim lamp light.  Checkbook flipped open.  It was, strangely… domestic.  The thought process had run through his mind before, coming home, having someone to cook for… to ask about their day, to make giggle when they were pissed off about work... make them forget their troubles in other ways.  Hand immediately drew over his face to dismiss the forbidden.  This time the happy-ever-after train of thought was tainted with a sultry aggression that could only be described as protectiveness, or possessiveness.  An animal connected to its owner.  It was a horrible, self-deprecating analogy… but there was no other way to describe what he was feeling and had allowed to bleed into his psyche.  Maybe there was something more, a weird tenderness that was exceptionally foreign so he couldn’t place it.  Mack was attractive, but it was more than attraction.  It was something he couldn't explain, and definitely was not wise to pursue.  He was simply the Beast in this story, and this was not a cute fairy tale.

 

Eardrums tickled.

 

Pen was gone from his fingers, hug of pistols seated deftly in their homes, haze of a bathroom over his sites.  Instinctual, vicious… hair-triggered forearms unwavering in their accuracy, muscles sweeping the room in sharp routine before discarding the weapons on the sink to kneel in front of a huddled Mack when he confirmed the perfumed bitch wasn't the cause.  The first itch of her distressed voice in his ears had sprung the Were into full kill mode, his own heart rate starting to level off to normal.  His trek to the bathroom had been a blur, bare feet deft and silent.  Despite the bone crushing strength behind the movement, touch was incredibly gentle, hand behind her head to keep it from hitting the wall.

 

"Wasn't real..."

 

[kai]…no, it wasn’t.[/kai] backs of his fingers brushed over her cheeks, brows fraught with concern.  How was he going to explain to her the influx of weapons and his defensive entrance?  It was not a conversation he wanted to have right now… [kai]…none of it was.[/kai]

 

This was why she drank?  Obviously the nightmares and apparently assisted hallucinations were that terrible.  Pieces collected together in his head.  She was military, most likely had been though unspeakable things like he head.  Nightmares, stress…  came with the territory.  What he’d seen tonight, the presence of another before the wicked one before at Monk’s.  It wasn’t natural, someone taking advantage of what he could discern was probably PTSD for some other purpose. 

 

[kai]Things can be so real... find an anchor to reality... something to cling to when you can't tell the difference,[/kai]  he began to quietly remove the wet bandages from her arms, leaving them on would keep the wounds wet and invite infection.  [kai]You’re always welcome to come talk to me at my office… or here…[/kai]  the deep hum of his voice in his chest almost like a relieved purr, of course he wasn’t telling her the entirety of the story, but he didn’t think it was the appropriate time.  There were other things she was dealing with at the moment, things he knew too well…  [kai]It took me a long time to work through things myself, but it does get better,[/kai]  smile was tepid, unconsciously cupping both sides of her face when he was finished and pressing his lips into the damp hair on her forehead before giving her an understanding smile.

 

It was also becoming impossible to ignore the current clothing situation.  She was going to kill him, and she would probably have no idea, fingers brushing back her wet hair from her face and resting his cheek on her temple.for a long moment.  Sigh was drawn as he snatched one of his fluffy navy blue bathrobes from the wall and wrapped it around her shoulders, standing and making his Para's disappear discretely under a towel in his hands to take with him.

 

[kai]When you’re ready, come out… I made you pancakes.  Bacon and eggs may also be involved...[/kai]

[MacKenna Zielinski]

Mack jerked a bit in surprise from a meeting a hand behind her head instead of the wall.  She blinked at Kai in confusion for a moment before she remembered where she was and her state of dress, which had her flushing in embarrassment.  She listened though as Kai spoke, telling her that no it wasn't real, that none of it was.  The fingers brushing over her cheeks were warm and she caught one to hold to her in a subconscious effort to anchor herself even before he mentioned it.

 

She still didn't speak even as he tended her bandages.  She blinked at him as if she wasn't quite sure he was real.  She kept a hand on him somewhere, light in case he didn't want it but she had a need for the contact to keep her grounded.  Thankfully he didn't seem to have to much of an issue with it as he cupped her face.  For a moment Mack remembered how he kissed her last night and thought he might do it again.  Instead though he just pressed lips to her forehead and left her unsure if she was grateful for that or pouting over it.

 

 

It occurred to her as Kai grabbed a robe and wrapped it around her that he was trying to be a gentleman and not a leacher.  If it was one thing she could count on Kai for it was that.  She couldn't even imagine him being so disrespectful in a were rage.  Animals always had a respect for things after all, even as they ran it down and devoured it.  

 

She tugged the robe around her, as if to use it like armor against her mind as it cracked.  She had to of cracked some because she decided it was a great idea to just pull the robe around her and wear that.  Nevermind the things she had in her bag.  There was simply something so soothing about the robe, be it because it was fluffy, Mack didn't have one, or because it was Kai's it helped to calm more.  She only had her back to him for a moment while the towel fell off and the robe was pulled on better to cover the burn scars on her back from the incident in Afghanistan.  Her hands were still shaking from things though as she tied the belt tight.

 

[kai]When you’re ready, come out… I made you pancakes.  Bacon and eggs may also be involved...[/kai]

 

Mack blinked at him again, the terror, panic, and confusion over her mind still lurking in her eyes even as she got up.  She started to move to Kai for a moment before seeming to remember that he didn't like being touched and stopping herself.  She needed to stand on her feet or she'd never manage to handle herself.

 

"I...I can't remember the last time I had that," she admitted with a frown.  "Afghanistan hall chow maybe?  Earlier possibly.  How depressing."

 

She pulled the fluffy robe around herself tighter, the thoughts of times before the Resonance pricking at her to remind her what she lost which simply hurt more.  Perhaps she should get herself a drink, but her flask had been empty and she didn't know if Kai still had the whiskey around...not that whiskey went well with breakfast anyway.

 

"That...that might help me..." she said, her voice still shaky and lost sounding even as she waved for Kai to lead the way to the kitchen.

[Kai Alexander Morgan]

Lashes lingered low over the feral green that was quickly being engulfed with pupil, blush of blood against her skin causing his chest to stop moving for a moment as she caught one of the hands that was brushing wet tendrils from her face.  Two sides of his coin were raging a fight of epic proportions, the control to calmly talk her through what he had experienced first-hand and was trained to diffuse… and the anger to hold her possessively and snarl at the invisible evil that had brought her to this point.  Good god he was going to explode, the feel of her lingering fingers as he tended her bandages unable to realize the utter chaos underneath hidden by his professional façade. 

 

Robe was necessary and couldn’t be passed off to her quickly and calmly enough… blinking once before eyes flicked to the floor to cool as she discarded the towel and pulled it on.  They lingered up slightly, noting her fingers were still shaking even as he found the sweet humor to draw her out.  It was better than tearing off in a rage to find whatever and whomever had harmed her, fire lingering behind the kelley, fueled further by the panic that still flickered in hers when she finally looked at him.

 

He had to calm himself.  The room was warm, claustrophobic almost, watching the movement toward him before she stopped. Second guessing… because he was a monster?  Feline eyes narrowed slightly, reaching behind him to open the door to flush the bathroom with fresh air and take a step out.

 

"I...I can't remember the last time I had that,  Afghanistan hall chow maybe?  Earlier possibly.  How depressing."

 

He smiled slightly,  [kai]we’ll have to remedy that… be right back.[/kai]  Soft footsteps took him back to his office, setting down his towel wrapped Paras on the desk, long breath drawn and released before returning.

 

"That...that might help me..."

 

The ex-soldier wasn’t particularly tall, but at the moment he felt like he was towering over her- her normally rough and tumble stance pulled inward by the events of the evening that even he in all his power couldn’t prevent.  He wasn’t really sure what was running under his skin, guilt?  An odd helplessness that she was probably feeling too?  The shake and uncertainty in her voice was doing its job in grinding the point home, right fingers flicking unconsciously before they reached up to rub the back of his neck as she waved for him to lead the way to the kitchen.  Brows came down, fingers kneading at a spot before they returned to his side.  He wasn’t sure why he was deciding to do what he swore he really shouldn’t be doing…  it just seemed… she needed it.  More than his amazing pancakes.

 

Chin somehow found itself resting on the top of her head after he reached out and folded her toward his chest, refusing for a moment to let go.  For all his strength and skills, this was something he couldn’t fix… but he could try to calm the shaking, or at least give her a bit more time to compose herself.  There had to be another way to do it other than this… but he just couldn’t think of one.  This wasn’t a patient.  This was Mack. Mack was family… of sorts.

 

[kai]For me, it started as whispers,[/kai]  years of screaming back at drill sergeants had permanently changed his voice, a rum dark hum that lingered more in his chest than ever made a whisper of sound.  It was deceivingly calming, the timbre beneath it hinting at how powerful and vicious it could actually be, rarely now ever heard.  [kai]Over my shoulder on assignments, questioning… second guessing.  There was no in between, it was either a constant voice in my head or nightmares so real I couldn’t figure out if I was still asleep, or awake in the dark.[/kai]

 

He had started to play with the hair on the nape of her neck, stopping when he realized he was doing it.  He had to stop that stuff…

 

[kai]And then the Nevus did this to me.  Became hypersensitive to everything… was bad before, but after…[/kai]  he let it sit for a minute, not having thought of the months after his descent into hell in a really long time. So much time had been lost.  [kai]Bits and pieces of my consciousness were there, everything else lost like the center of a puzzle.  Thought I was going crazy… then Mrs. Kolcheck found me in a store, didn’t judge…just listened.  Offered me a place to stay.  Slept on her couch for a while, every day a little more able to deal with reality.[/kai]

 

Eyes were focused on a spot on the far wall, lashes heavy.

 

[kai]She just listened to my rants that I thought sounded nuts… Never offered judgment… and made me pancakes,[/kai] smile pursed.  Another sigh filled his chest, oozed out slowly.  [kai]I understand why you’re apprehensive to be here… but I will always listen.  You can always call, I have a phone like everyone else.  Day or night.  Even when I’m out of town, the moon isn’t out twenty four hours a day.[/kai]

 

He was negating the deal.  No, the perfumed bitch had negated the deal.  He was already making plans not to leave the city anymore.  It was a genius idea, one he knew he could never tell Mack about, he would never, ever put her in that position.

 

[kai]You’re not alone in this.[/kai]

 

His body felt heavy, like a pet that had found the warmth of something it claimed and was lulled into quiet.  The beast satiated, the man tired beyond reason.  She needed to eat, and sleep.  Reluctantly he let her go.

 

[kai]If you want to just sleep, I can make more tomorrow.  You can crash in my room, I’ve got the couch.[/kai]

[MacKenna Zielinski]

Mack waited, like a lost puppy while Kai put something away.  She leaned against the doorway as if it might hold her up and held on like she was worried about a wind blasting her away.  In spite of the bath and pampering she felt fragile, or maybe it was because of the pampering.  She supposed that made some kind of weird sense.  Mack had been living like she was at war, it was comfortable and familiar and not far from the truth she had thought.  So she simply never left that mentality even as she knew there was nothing left to fight.

 

It was like the armor had fallen off and she kept trying to put it back on.  The pieces were to big though and kept sliding off.  She couldn't get her normal shield up and in place because it was to heavy now.  She was exposed and weak and that was a terrible thing to be in war and in this strange world she found herself stuck alone in. 

 

She was so desperately trying to rebuild that armor around herself internally that she didn't quite process Kai coming back.  She could see him there but somehow her brain was just disconnected from it all, going A.W.O.L. from everything she could only assume.  The hug surprised her, making green eyes blink wide.  The rest of her catching up as her arms curled around Kai with his chin on the top of her head.  The struggle to be tough and stand on her own falling to the wayside for now though she tried to hold onto it as well as him.

 

She listened, even though it was hard to tell she was with her face buried in Kai's shoulder, a subconscious effort to hide.  Part of her wanted to deny matters but that would have been insulting to the pair of them and their backgrounds as soldiers, not to mention Mack being a poor liar.  She would not have been herself though if she had not wanted very much to claim she was alright because she felt like she had to be.  With no words working she settled on closing her eyes and simply listening to the rumbling ramble that vibrated out of Kai's chest like a cat's purr.  It relaxed her even as the play with the hair on the back of her neck caused her stomach to twist into pleasurable knots for the short time he did it.

 

He was...there.  Simply there and solid.  The last time someone had tried to be there Mack had been forced to push away for their own safety.  She kept thinking that she should do that with Kai but failed miserably.  Maybe it was because he knew the world better or because he had a background as a killer.  Whatever it was, she didn't have a doubt that he could handle himself should push come to shove.  What cut her legs out from under her was the stray thought that he could keep her safe too.

 

[kai]You’re not alone in this.[/kai]  he said, and for once Mack found herself believing someone that said that.

 

Her arms tightened when Kai let go, something that surprised even her for a moment as much as the tears gathering in her eyes.  She felt as if she was tumbling to pieces as the struggle for her normal psychological armor completely ceased.  Why that simple statement that she wasn't alone hit so hard she could not even begin to explain.  Just like she really couldn't start to explain what she did.

 

She always was terrible with words and prone to doing something stupid when overly emotional.  She could kick herself for it later though.

 

Right that minute she wasn't really thinking of consequences.  She wasn't thinking much of anything, or wanting to think much of anything.  Her hands let go and snapped up to dig fingers in Kai's hair to hold him in place.  The rest of her stretching up easily to press her lips to his.  It was not the friendly little pecks or the curious but reserved one from last night.  It had a demanding and sharp edge to it of wants and needs Mack had been shoving in a box since a tear appeared in the sky.

 

 

 

 

[Kai Alexander Morgan]

He hadn’t wanted to leave her there standing alone in the hall, but given the display last night in the kitchen with his same weapons he didn’t want a repeat performance of before. She didn’t even seem to realize he now had them covered in his hands and he’d come in with guns blazing, all the more reason for him to get them out of the way and treat this like the serious episode he knew it was.  The Vanguard had to have something to stave of this sort of thing with its volunteers… employees, however the hell the organization worked.  They were either obviously failing in massive proportions, or Mack was too proud to find help.  Maybe a little of both, with a dash of crazy perfume thrown in for good measure.  It was hard to find control when the world was ripping it away in spades, that was something he knew firsthand.

 

With his own bad judgment taking over and a full on cuddle hug underway, he couldn’t help but realize he was about to become the whipping boy for what was going to be an incredible mess before it got better.  He had the power to stop it, to shape it into something that wouldn’t leave her beating herself up in the morning for being at a monster’s house.  The Were, and most importantly counselor and fellow military was taking care of a soldier in blood.  In the morning after a good night’s sleep, he would send her on her way, hopefully in a better state of mind with the knowledge she could call him if she needed.  They would never have to be seen together, she would never have to come to his office.  He couldn’t allow her to blame herself for doing what through association with the Vanguard she knew she shouldn’t be doing.  He was the enemy, and she shouldn’t consort with the foe.

 

In the meantime, his job was relatively simple.

 

Kill whomever harmed her.  Torture. Maim… then kill when he felt satisfied.  It was a horrible and unconscionable thing to plot, but he’d succumbed to the reality that he was the monster she thought him to be.  Not in beast, but in the man- because he was now both.  What does one get when they take a killer, and add a killer… something beyond words. That something would invisibly watch her back and eliminate anything trying to harm her.  If it came to it, even her “brothers” in the Vanguard.

 

She didn’t need to know.  She would never need to know.

 

Breath pulled in the scent of freshly scrubbed and damp hair as her face pressed into his shoulder, the feel of muscles purposely pulling around him dashing the fanned irritable flames like a blanket.  The scruff of a vicious feline grabbed by her surrender to being comforted instead of allowing her leash to be snapped by an organization he wanted wiped from the planet… the submissive sigh oozing past his lips rendering guilt and resolve staunch in his chest.

 

She could never know.

 

Streak of panic zipped up his spine when he successfully had been the calm and reasonable beacon in the storm and she refused to let go when he finally had to get away.  Serene, questioning smile remained… he was a master of making the world see what he wanted and not what was raging underneath.  The duality capable of crushing most, for him it only fueled the need to keep the terrible under chains.

 

[kai]C’mon, let’s get you into a comforter pile of no worries.[/kai]  quirk of his lips preceded the flickering down of his brow, sheer buzz echoing across his skin as a deeper Were awareness responded to something invisible that licked at his senses, eyes narrowing slightly a split second before her fingers slid into his hair….no… no no NO!

 

Deep groan instantly purred upward from his gut as lips were captured without complaint, reaching upward to catch himself on the wall behind her with a slap of palm…this was not a good idea…

 

Fuck good ideas… the man realizing within seconds he had pinned her to the wall to reciprocate her demanding virility, the back of her robe twisted tightly in his fingers at the small of her back and pulling her hips toward him. Other hand was no longer innocently on the wall either, back to playing with the locks on the nape of her neck and sliding lower down her spine with terribly bad intentions in mind. 

 

Lift her from the floor, carry her somewhere else…

 

Stop kai…

 

Some sort of reason had bubbled forth, growled at in his conscience.

 

Stop!

 

KAI!

 

He inhaled sharply.

 

[kai]Sorry…[/kai]  apology was quick as he pulled back suddenly, hands on her arms to put distance between them and keep his hands from accomplishing the incredible list of naughty that had filled his head.  He would not take advantage of this situation, the strength it was taking to keep himself under control almost buckling his knees.  Eyes were blinking, trying to calm the flare of pupil that had engulfed the feral green. 

 

[kai]I’m sorry.  I don’t want you to regret me helping you, or coming here… this is not what I intended, or expected in return…[/kai]  .expression was incredibly hard on himself, unable to look at her, expecting to get scolded- his own psychological issues on full display.  If she pushed him away now, he deserved it.  He would be fine with it.  No.  No he wouldn’t.  He would be devastated.  Is this what normal people felt like?  Devastated… but he would put on a smile and watch her leave in the morning with feigned indifference.  Every time he thought about what he HAD to do, it crushed at his chest.

 

Just tell her.

 

Tell her what exactly?  That a thing she worked to eradicate was hopelessly in love with her?

 

Oh good god.

 

Eyes closed a moment, reopening to focus on her with a new found resolve.  He couldn’t do it, would keep his mouth shut and keep smiling.  He wouldn’t do that to her psyche, he was a monster… he had to keep telling himself that.  She deserved better.  Long sigh was pulled in.

 

[kai]It’s late…[/kai]  he’d intended to coax her again to get some sleep, not getting that far.  Fingers had found her hair, pushing the strays that seemed to forever taunt him behind her ears before rubbing his thumbs across her cheeks and pressing his lips to her forehead.  [kai]You can sleep... nothing will bother you.  I'm not going to let anything happen to you here,[/kai] sincere nuzzle at her temple was tentative, sliding downward to inhale the delicious scent under her ear, lips that moved to hers however were anything but shy.... reciprocating what she had given him before with a tender heat of something he couldn't explain to anyone.  He wouldn’t tell her, couldn't tell her.  He didn't know how.  Showing her, was another matter.