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    Alec Walker

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    [walker] 'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
    'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'[/walker]

     

    Friday, March 22, 2019

     

    Alec had been spread thin of late. There were so few ARMA magi who could do the work he could--who could traverse the mental landscape of the insane or the traumatized. Sometimes, new magi were forced into a situation where it truly was kill or be killed, and many of them could not handle the guilt of having taken a life. He imagined it was much like the trauma cops experienced on their jobs.

     

    With magic, however, the level of power one put into a spell was nowhere near as consistent as is a bullet. What was meant as a stunning bolt of electricity could just as easily have become a heart-stopping lightning bolt in inexperienced hands. A flame meant to cauterize a wound could burst into greater conflagration, consuming the limb and causing greater scarring. These events sometimes resulted in a mage's loss of confidence--the fear that their intervention caused greater tragedy than if they had simply stayed silent and let events unfold as they should have--setting these men and women on a path to magical impotence. 

     

    In the past week, Alec had been assigned four such cases. The OFL had ceased its assaults on ARMA members; the murders of magi were far more heavily biased towards the OFL than towards ARMA; and most importantly, ARMA had solidified its place as the magical police of NYC. Things were quiet, and ARMA's most effective mentalist was being kept busy with what some might call a "pseudo-shrink" job.

     

    For nearly three days, Alec had gotten no more than an hour of uninterrupted sleep a night; likely due to something he'd seen in the mind of one of these magi, and had been easily convinced that a visit to one of the city's few practicing individuals with psychiatric training was in order. After all, the mental crisis and subsequent insomnia was interfering with his ability to help these magi. One individual in particular had been recommended, due to his own experience with handling traumas and his knowledge of and engagement with the supranatural world.

     

    The mentalist closed his eyes, settling in for the long ride up towards Inwood. The line once known as the A train ran directly towards the office of Kai Alexander Morgan, the individual who'd get to poke around in his mind. All Alec knew was that the man had been former military,now worked with many of those who could not cope with the impact of the resonance, and had come highly recommended. Nearly a half hour later, Alec stepped off the train and made his way to the office, knocking at the front door to signal his arrival.

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    Ears itched slightly, the sound of footsteps near the office entrance snapping his attention from the pull of the black coffee he was pouring for himself.  Glance at the clock betrayed it was less than fifteen minutes before reopening after lunch.  New receptionist Anna wasn’t back yet from her lunch hour errand.  There were worse things to worry about, new patients though tended to frown upon such things- especially when they were conscientious enough to show up a few minutes early.

     

    Picking up the mug, the transplanted Brit made his way smoothly to the door… the undeniable bristle under his skin making him pause.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, human scent behind the door.  Strange.  The air shivered, metaphoric cat in his gut perking slightly to take notice.  Not the first thing that had caught its attention by far, wouldn’t be the last... filing it away for later.  Door opened easily, the smile warm.

     

    [kai]Alec, I presume.  Sorry about that, Anna hasn’t returned yet from lunch.  Make yourself at home.  Coffee?[/kai]

     

    He left the door unlocked, stepping over to her desk to lean in and play with the mouse a moment, checking him in and waiting for an answer on the coffee.  Black, it had to be black. What was the point otherwise?

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    A smiling face. Well that was good. Alec had been half expecting some kind of anti-mage ambush. It wasn't paranoia if people were actually trying to kill you, right? A quick mental pulse had scanned for sentient beings before knocking. Bunch of pigeons and the occasional sewer rat. Inside the office, a simple feline consciousness in light Rem sleep and a more confusing entity which seemed somewhat inhuman. Interesting, Alec mused.

    When the door opened, the semi-human mind was associated with a face and a name. Well this would be fun. Normal people were so boring... maybe that was a good thing?

     [Walker]Yes, that's me. Good to meet you, Mr. Morgan. [/Walker] Alec stepped in and thought for a moment about coffee. [Walker]I figured I might have gotten here a little early. My apologies. [/Walker] The mage stifled a bit of a yawn, which had drawn out the end of "apologies." [Walker]Coffee. Coffee sounds wonderful. These days, I can hardly function without it. Always hated coffee chains like starbucks. Why drink it if you're going to crash from the sugar in a minute anyway? You know? [/Walker]

    Why was he talking so much? Eh, coffee talk never killed anyone... as far as he knew.

     

    Brown eyes scanned the room, establishing his bearings. He didn't have a military past, but had taken to sitting with his back to a wall and his face towards a door or other exit. In a sense, the break with the OFL had made every mage a soldier. Few had been safe during that time--only the very young recruits who could be easily swayed towards one side or the other. 

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    Must have been the predator in him…eyes narrowing in and out imperceptibly as the new client made his way in.  Not his typical clientele, but things were expanding, and with that came new faces- and types.  People seemed a bit more trusting now that some semblance of stability had descended over the city.  Hell storms and the budding mage tiffs aside of course…

     

    ð ”Yes, that's me. Good to meet you, Mr. Morgan. ”

     

    [kai]Likewise,[/kai] he nodded, already at the computer to check him in.  [kai]Kai is fine if it makes you more comfortable.  Mr. Morgan feels a bit like you're talking to my father.[/kai]

     

    Smile was easy.  It always did feel like someone was addressing his father.

     

    ð ”I figured I might have gotten here a little early. My apologies. ”

     

    [kai]No apologies necessary,[/kai] he stepped over to the small kitchenette to pour his new client a cup, taking a drink of his own and handing the other off.  Smile had been slight at the mention of over-thought coffee.  Something so simple, tainted with everything else under the sun, seemed a bit sacrilegious… especially when there were times a simple cup of coffee was the luxury of his day.  Hot black coffee could be a bit of a religious experience at times.

     

    Pushing open the door to his office, he invited Alec in.  A large leather couch, two plush dark leather chairs across from each other on either side, coffee table in between, everything else was simple and elegant- down to the little green glass pull on light with its gold beaded chain on his large mahogany desk.

     

    [kai]Please,[/kai] he gestured to either the other chair or the couch, closing the door behind them and sat at his own near the his desk.  Hands warmed on his mug a moment, enjoying the view from his large window behind the couch before going back to Alec.

     

    There were no pens, papers, notepads.  It wasn’t how he worked.

     

    [kai]Seem tired, weather that can’t make up its mind always messes with my body clock,[/kai] he commented, one ankle sliding over the other khaki’d knee as he took a long drink.  [kai]I’m ready for this winter to be over.[/kai]

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    [walker] All right. Kai, then. Guess we all have to step into those shoes of our parents some time, though. [/walker] Well, that and the fact that he'd been a professor, like his father, meant Alec didn't mind calling people by their last name, or being called by his.

     

    Alec accepted the cup with a gracious smile and a nod, before following the not-quite-human into his office. A man's room. Dark wood table... was that mahogany? Hard enough to come by in the time before. He couldn't imagine it had come cheap now. The dark leather chairs were well made. It was a full room...and yet the room didn't feel like it were closing in on him. The mage appreciated that.

     

    The invitation to sit gave him pause for a moment, a sip from the cup to mask his careful evaluation of the room. [walker] Not one for a weak cup of coffee, huh? [/walker] Alec joked, sitting in one of the chairs so he could still see an exit from the room, even if he couldn't see all the entrances. He supposed eventually, he'd have to remember that not everyone was trying to kill him, and have to trust someone outside ARMA.

     

    ☽ "Seem tired...

     

    Alec had to laugh. [walker] Guess the universe decided I'm just not allowed to sleep this week. [/walker] Another yawn stifled after the last word.

     

    [walker] Definitely not the weather, though. I must be one of the three people in New York who likes the cold... but fuck snow. Ten billion pounds of white bullshit every time.[/walker]  

     

    Another deep drink of the coffee woke him back up again. [walker] So, how'd you get into this business, Kai? Informal company shrink in the Navy, gone pro back on land?[/walker] Alec chuckled at his suggestion. 

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    • 1 month later...

    ð ” All right. Kai, then. Guess we all have to step into those shoes of our parents some time, though. ”

     

    The smile that followed was smooth, trained. So well-rehearsed in social graces only the keenest could see it, if they ever did.  He knew how to respond, all the right things to say, expressions and where they went in conversation.  The Were was a truly, truly dangerous animal.. and the absolute loathing for his father was hidden in the serene and agreeable expression.  Eyes didn’t even acknowledge the careful examination of the room by his new patient. He’d learned more in that second than an hour of most normal conversations. Then again, he wasn’t normal in any sense, and neither was his guest.

     

     ð ” Not one for a weak cup of coffee, huh? ”

     

    That brought a chuckle as he took another drink of his own.

     

    [kai]Never.[/kai]

     

    The conversation turned to a seeming lack of sleep, it was an easy pitch. The man had picked a seat to face the door… already theories were forming as to the reason for this visit.

     

    ð ” Guess the universe decided I'm just not allowed to sleep this week.  Definitely not the weather, though. I must be one of the three people in New York who likes the cold... but fuck snow. Ten billion pounds of white bullshit every time.”

     

    Another soft sound of amusement let the man talk.

     

    ð ” So, how'd you get into this business, Kai? Informal company shrink in the Navy, gone pro back on land?”

     

    [kai]Watched too many never come back,[/kai] he was not fond of talking about his history. Most were curious, had their own romantic imaginations of heroes and glory. It was nothing like that where his path led.  It was cold, and dark. Violent.  [kai]They were here in body, but just a shell. Thought they needed some help.[/kai]

     

    The man had absolutely no idea the killer was talking about himself. 

     

    [kai]Besides, you have to grow up and stop blowing things up sometime,[/kai] the humor was well placed.  [kai]You ever serve?[/kai]

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    Alec nodded as Kai explained. If the mage war had changed so many, he was certain the realities of true war were worse. There was the question, though.

     

    A long draught from the mug hid his reluctance to respond. [walker]I'm a historian by training. Of course, the universe had other plans, and I ended up being the best damn mentalist this side of the Atlantic when the OFL decided to blow morals out the window. [/walker] The mage smiled slightly. [walker] I guess, in a sense, I'm ARMA's in house shrink, investigator, and linguistics expert all in one. [/walker] Alec was acutely aware of how much that sounded like bragging. It was, however, the truth, and it wouldn't do to keep anything like that from someone he hoped would help.

     

    [walker] I guess that's the cleanest way I can explain it. I'm no soldier, but I've seen my share of combat...Mine and a few others.[/walker] He'd heard that line so many times before. "I'm no soldier." It was something the field teams would repeat, pitying themselves for having to go to war. Alec rested the cup on his knee for a moment of quiet, his thumb sliding back and forth over the top of the cup's handle. 

     

    [walker] Have you ever seen the landscape of someone's mind?[/walker] It was an open question. Definitely something unexpected to the uninitiated. [walker] Some of them are truly incredible. Libraries hewn from the rock of dormant volcanoes, futuristic looking networks of tunnels and pods, suspended above pits of lava. It's like the mind makes its own GUI to facilitate its use.[/walker] Alec was musing a bit. This odd subject was close to his comfort zone, and also likely the origin of his troubles. 

     

    Eyes flicked around the room again, mind still uneasy. Alec took another sip of coffee. The OFL and ARMA might have made peace, but there was no sense in letting his guard down just because of some official accord. People did crazy things in the service or hatred of ideals.

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    Eyes studied every small movement without being obvious.  It was what made him so effective as a “shrink”.  Elbow leaned on the plush chair arm, fingertips on his temple. 

     

    ð ”I'm a historian by training. Of course, the universe had other plans, and I ended up being the best damn mentalist this side of the Atlantic when the OFL decided to blow morals out the window. ”

     

    His gut immediately reacted, bared teeth from a raging beast in the depths of his deepest psyche bristled at the man.  He wasn’t worried about the OFL, not in the slightest.  He was concerned about the fact the man was also a shrink in no uncertain terms.  Face never betrayed an inkling of anything.

     

    ð ” I guess, in a sense, I'm ARMA's in house shrink, investigator, and linguistics expert all in one. ”

     

    ARMA, the OFL.  They weren’t particularly concerned with his kind unless they were making trouble across the city.  Loose Weres rampaging because they hadn’t confined themselves or gotten to safety in time, put down like the wild animals they were before they killed entire blocks of people.  No matter what anyone believed, they were dangerous, vicious and uncontrollable during shifts.  Sexy pets?  Bullshit.  Romantic notion for people and Weres themselves inviting their own bloody death for the sake of hubris.  ARMA did them all a service really.  Doubtful they would have sent someone to piss on his fire hydrant though.

     

    ð ” I guess that's the cleanest way I can explain it. I'm no soldier, but I've seen my share of combat...Mine and a few others.”

     

    [kai]Everyone is a soldier now,[/kai] he commented quietly.  It was true on so many levels.  He took a long drink, eyes wandering out the window for a moment.  [kai]It has so much more meaning than it did almost a decade ago.[/kai]

     

    ð ” Have you ever seen the landscape of someone's mind?”

     

    Head cocked slightly, perking his interest… and again the incredible mistrust of the curl cat in his gut.  Much like the cop that had come sniffing after his secretary had “disappeared”.  Could the man wipe through his brain without him knowing?  Not sure, he hadn’t run screaming yet so it was doubtful.

     

    ð ” Some of them are truly incredible. Libraries hewn from the rock of dormant volcanoes, futuristic looking networks of tunnels and pods, suspended above pits of lava. It's like the mind makes its own GUI to facilitate its use.”

     

    [kai]I’m not sure that would be something I could invite into my realm responsibilities.  Seems like a burden that could crush someone.[/kai]

     

    He watched the man a moment, the checking of the room, the position of the chair he’d chosen.  His new patient was worried.

     

    [kai]There are no perceived vices here,[/kai] he said quietly.  [kai]We all have them.  I’m the last person that could ever judge anyone on theirs.  It’s the nature of my job.  Everyone has secrets, it’s my position to allow people to feel as if they don’t have any… to discuss things that they would not discuss with others.  In a way I suppose, all my clients have bits and pieces of mine. If they all got together and went bowling, I’d be run out town on a rail.[/kai]

     

    The smile was soft, finishing his coffee and placing the mug on a coastered side table.

     

    [kai]The way things are at the moment and the state of affairs, I can’t imagine the things you’ve been asked to do were easy, or easy to forget.[/kai]

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    Alec couldn't help but smile as the shrink tilted his head. [walker] Don't worry... I'm not looking at yours. [/walker] Alec added with a dismissive wave of his hand. [walker] Trust me, you'd know. Don't know if you could stop it without killing me, but you'd know.[/walker] Alec said, half-joking. Theoretically, he could freeze the man in place, locking his brain out of motor control by tricking it into believing it was sending signals to his limbs while actually sending them in a loop around the brain.

     

    [kai]Seems like a burden that could crush someone.[/kai]

     

    Alec nodded. 

     

    [walker] It's something I've worked towards for a long time. Took me a while to get past talking to squirrels.[/walker] The mage laughed. [walker] Sorry... I should probably explain that. You know those cheesy universal translators they use in comics? I've got one in my brain. Humans, Animals, Veil Crossers... If it has a mode of communication, I can understand it and communicate with it in its own language.[/walker] 

     

    [kai]Everyone has secrets, it’s my position to allow people to feel as if they don’t have any… to discuss things that they would not discuss with others.[/kai]

     

    Alec finished off his cup of coffee, still holding the cup, not out of a failure to recognize he'd finished, nor a need to hold on to anything, but simply because he wasn't thinking about putting it down. 

     

    [walker] Fair enough. [/walker] The mage's eyes continued their sweep, even with the knowledge that Kai had observed them. [walker]Just a habit now. We quickly learned that there are no reliable visible signs in mage warfare, but I'm always looking.[/walker] 

     

    [kai]The way things are at the moment and the state of affairs, I can’t imagine the things you’ve been asked to do were easy, or easy to forget[/kai]

     

    Alec shook his head slightly. [walker] The toughest things are those I've taken on myself. [/walker] It was true... No one had asked him to evaluate the intentions of recruits to see if they were actively interested in destroying ARMA. No one had asked that he start working with his fellow mages to handle the kind of guilt that came with their first kills. He'd been the one to implement those programs. [walker] I try not to forget them. Otherwise there would be no one to remember if someone else forgets. [/walker] Another pause.

     

    [walker] I've wiped minds, deleted selective memories, deleted entire people from minds... One time I even made someone think they were a duck...[/walker] Alec laughed, remembering that. [walker] That's... probably not something I should laugh at, but it was the highlight of an otherwise shitty year. Tough as nails OFL agent who tried to get in my brain ended up quacking like a duck. She's fine now, just doesn't remember the mission, or that she's a magus.[/walker] 

     

    Alec wiped the smile from his face. [walker] These days, though... These days we're dealing with the aftermath. Peacetime makes it harder for people to accept the reality of their jobs. New mages have issues controlling their spells, so we end up with quite a few who underestimate their power or overestimate resistances. [/walker] Voice quieted, cup was placed on a coaster on the table. [walker] Accidental first kills, I mean. [/walker]

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    • 2 weeks later...

    ð ” Don't worry... I'm not looking at yours. ”

     

    The smirk caused a quiet, amused exhale as the back of his forefinger rubbed across his top lip thoughtfully.

     

    ð ” Trust me, you'd know. Don't know if you could stop it without killing me, but you'd know.”

     

    [kai] I know you haven’t peeked…you’re still here and speaking to me instead of running away screaming, [/kai]  tone was amused, but there was a weighted darkness behind it that he didn’t bother hiding.  As a mentalist, the man would catch it if he was paying attention… a warning maybe that the good counselor wasn’t just a run of the mill suit in a chair.  If what the man said was even close to being true, which he had already pondered might just be a load of complete crap, he would have known the Were was most definitely something unusual the moment he stepped in. Either the man hadn’t peeked, was full of bragging shit, or was looking for someone different like him to finally vent to.  He was leaning toward option one and three.  In any event, the slight lean toward his dark edge put a full stop period on any inklings the man may have had to actually peek… if he indeed had the power to do it.

     

    ð ” It's something I've worked towards for a long time. Took me a while to get past talking to squirrels.”

     

    He listened quietly, intrigued.

     

    ð ” Sorry... I should probably explain that. You know those cheesy universal translators they use in comics? I've got one in my brain. Humans, Animals, Veil Crossers... If it has a mode of communication, I can understand it and communicate with it in its own language.”

     

    That absolutely caught his attention, he finished his own coffee and got up to check on the pot that was percolating in his office, letting him continue to talk freely. He found people felt more comfortable when he wasn’t sitting directly across from them in scrutiny, and he absolutely wanted the man to keep talking.  He poured himself another, lifting a clean mug and pouring one for his guest instead of retrieving the finished one. It clinked quietly on the table next to him before he returned to his own seat. 

     

    ð ” The toughest things are those I've taken on myself. ”

     

    Sounded so familiar..

     

    ð ” I've wiped minds, deleted selective memories, deleted entire people from minds... One time I even made someone think they were a duck...”

     

    A duck, brought a smile.  Inside his thoughts were screaming.  Mack. Could the man actually do that to a Were?  Could he wipe Mack completely from his collective thoughts?  Could he control an out of control Were?  Could he wipe his mind of the horror of having one foot inside the Resonance as it ripped across the world?

     

    ð ” These days, though... These days we're dealing with the aftermath. Peacetime makes it harder for people to accept the reality of their jobs. New mages have issues controlling their spells, so we end up with quite a few who underestimate their power or overestimate resistances.  Accidental first kills, I mean. ”

     

    [kai]Having an incredible power is difficult enough, then there’s the rigor of being responsible for it… dealing with the reality of what you’ve done is many times the shiv that cracks the stone.  You’ve gone one step beyond that and absorbed that responsibility on top of your own.  No wonder you can’t sleep,[/kai]  he took a sip of his coffee, one ankle over his other knee as he settled into the chair.  [kai]Is that your specific assignment by your organization, or have you chosen to do it?  Are there any more like you that could share the load?[/kai]

     

    There Were was absolutely riveted.

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    ☽ " I know you haven’t peeked…you’re still here and speaking to me instead of running away screaming,"

     

    Alec gave a slight chuckle. It was unlikely this former military man had anything within his mind so terrifying it would drive away the mage. He could see the slight doubt in his new shrink's face. Perhaps that was good. 

     

    Well, he wouldn't just go invade the guy's mind, especially with the off-chance he was telling the truth about people running out screaming. 

     

    Alec rambled a bit more, watching Kai's expressions. Oddly enough, it was the comment about communication that brought the biggest reaction, masked by the movement around the office. He accepted the coffee with a nod as thanks, continuing his commentary.

     

    The smile was noted, not acknowledged, but the words caught his ear. The problem with being a shrink who's talking to a shrink is that you know the right words to say in a given situation... and you can't really take them seriously. [walker] Funny thing is... I couldn't tell you what it is that I've taken on that's causing it. Nothing particularly shocking in the past month... not compared to the last year. [/walker] Alec said, a sip from the fresh cup of coffee.

     

    [walker] I was tired of seeing kids... I mean really... kids. No more than 20 years old. They were coming back from jobs, missions, whatever you want to call them... [/walker] Another sip. [walker] Beating themselves up over things they couldn't control. I started doing it for the ones who asked, and gradually it became part of my job. [/walker]

     

    A pause. [walker] It's delicate work. Most of our magi sadly don't tend towards the mental... The new recruits want the glory of combat... even the ones with the aptitude end up rejecting it. [/walker] Alec looked around the room once more. It had been a few minutes since he'd done that, but it was still habit. [walker] So it's really just up to me and one or two others, depending on who's around. [/walker]

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    • 2 weeks later...

    He knew this game, taking note of everything the man was picking up on with his facial expressions, movement around the office… which honestly was just for more coffee, and his seeming need to continue talking even though he seemed to know exactly what the Were was going to say.

     

    ð ” Funny thing is... I couldn't tell you what it is that I've taken on that's causing it. Nothing particularly shocking in the past month... not compared to the last year.  I was tired of seeing kids... I mean really... kids. No more than 20 years old. They were coming back from jobs, missions, whatever you want to call them... ”

     

    He was aware of how sophisticated ARMA could be.  Nothing close to the intricate covert he was always neck deep in the middle of, the mage organization was not quite the world power yet that his handlers had been, but there was an intense amount of responsibility there. Where the world powers had collapsed because their support systems had been wiped away, others had risen. Maybe they had the training they needed, maybe not.  The new stresses of the world were much more than anyone could ever had anticipated.  Not sleeping well paled in comparison to what he had seen others go through. Seemed they were coping well considering.

     

    ð ” Beating themselves up over things they couldn't control. I started doing it for the ones who asked, and gradually it became part of my job. ”

     

    Also, a normal part of compromising work, only with a different name.

     

    ð ” It's delicate work. Most of our magi sadly don't tend towards the mental... The new recruits want the glory of combat... even the ones with the aptitude end up rejecting it.  So it's really just up to me and one or two others, depending on who's around. ”

     

    [kai]Sounds like your organization needs someone that understands the mental acuity necessary to be applied to these.. jobs, missions, as you call them.  Recruits need to be vetted properly before being sent into the field to have their psyche turned into scrambled eggs by the time they come back.[/kai] the gloves were off.  The mentalist seemed to not want to be here like every other patient and be reassured about what they already knew.  He needed to be told what nobody else had the balls to say.  The Were was good at his job, but he was a better soldier, and he knew a lot about the mental mind-fuck that the no real name “missions” could do.  Sounded like the dogs in charge needed more than just spells and guns.  They needed a vetting process that taught them more than just how to wiggle their nose, and more than just one man that “fell into the position” to pick up the pieces when they came back shredded.  Maybe they did.  From what this man said, it didn’t seem so.

     

    [kai]I would assume something as seemingly sophisticated as your organization would have that in place.  Though, most of the military trained in those areas were turned into dog food on the first wave at the end of the world.  People looked to them to save their asses, and organized military was decimated because they didn’t know what they were dealing with.  Now, organized new military with new variables are in charge… fighting the same old battles.  You’re going to lose unless you can adapt.[/kai]

     

    Like him.  He'd adapted quite well considering.  Locking oneself up in a vault for several days still had escaped his ability to solve, but there was progress with even that.  He took a long drink of coffee.  The Were hadn’t moved, hadn’t lose a stride of comfort.  Hell, he was in his comfort zone.

     

    [kai]I think subconsciously you know that.  You know you can’t do this forever, and you know things always get worse before they get better.  It would make me not sleep at night.  It has made me not sleep at night.[/kai]

     

    There would be questions perhaps, the soldier hated talking about what he did.  It brought the bloodlust back, the indifference that he’d fought for a decade to shed.

     

    [kai]You need to make a case to your bosses for better training, and more help.[/kai]

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    Alec rambled when nervous. He rambled when in control. He even rambled when he knew exactly what he wanted to convey. Suffice it to say, Alec would have been an absolutely awful supervillain. 

     

    Kai let him talk for a long while before inserting himself into the conversation, criticizing ARMA's policies. 

     

    Jaw clenched. ARMA was what remained of a family. The mage picked up the new mug of coffee, taking a drink as he listened before setting it down.

     

    The swallow was loud in his ears, even if Kai hadn't heard it. 

     

    Muscles in Alec's jaw loosened as it sunk in that he needed to hear this, though they involuntarily tightened again at the suggestion that ARMA might possibly lose any of its battles.

     

    [kai]I think subconsciously you know that.  You know you can’t do this forever, and you know things always get worse before they get better.  It would make me not sleep at night.  It has made me not sleep at night.[/kai]

     

    Alec begrudged the therapist a nod of agreement. [walker] I'm... [/walker] 

     

    [walker] You know, it'd be just wonderful to screen every field mage ARMA has at our disposal and help them be preconditioned to survive the mental strains of war, but we might as well be the wolverines.[/walker] The Red Dawn reference was laced with venom.

     

    [walker]co do cholery robię z tobą rozmawiać w tej chwili?[/walker] Alec murmured to himself under his breath. It was a complaint voiced in Polish or Romansh. He couldn't remember which was which, but they were languages so few people now spoke. What *was* he doing here anyway? 

     

    [walker] And we just don't have the resources... but I take your point. [/walker] Alec was wondering what it was that Kai had meant about his own experiences leaving him unable to sleep, but he wouldn't probe just yet. 

     

    [walker] I wonder if there's some kind of forbidden spell somewhere that would let me duplicate myself. Just make clones that can work till they drop... and I wouldn't have to deal with everyone's memories.[/walker] The mage chuckled.

     

    [walker] Everyone always says "Oh! I want super-strength, or the ability to fly, or super-speed if they get asked their preferred superhero power. Me? I just want to make clones... Why be fast if you can be in two places at once? Why be super-strong if you can band together to the same effect? Flying? well that's cool, but... actually I don't have an argument against that one. [/walker] Alec cracked a grin. 

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    He knew when he hit nerves.  Lips parted slightly, inhaling the air against his palette in the Were reaction he was very conscious of.  It had taken him a long time to come to terms with the rather inhuman impulse.  He could almost taste the clench in the man’s jaw as eyes picked it up.  The change in cup as Alec mulled over the words that he didn’t seem to want to hear was a change in direction of their obvious answer dance of before.

     

    The nod was something he did not expect.  It was rare to see behavior he was not preconditioned to predict.

     

    ð ” You know, it'd be just wonderful to screen every field mage ARMA has at our disposal and help them be preconditioned to survive the mental strains of war, but we might as well be the wolverines.”

     

    [kai]We are.[/kai] he left it at that for a moment, listening to the under breath rant.  His cat reacted slightly to the aggression in the air, skin prickling as it bristled.  Polish.  He was familiar enough with it to get the gist.  [kai]Eta bor'ba v nastoyashcheye vremya vnutrennyaya.[/kai]

     

    It floated off his lips as easy as the English he spoke with the slight Welsh accent.  If not to acknowledge Alec was definitively well educated, but he was as well… not just another shrink with a polished nameplate on the door.

     

    [kai]We are the wolverines.[/kai]  he mused, rather intrigued at the reference given his background and fluency in Russian. Perhaps the man had been in his head.  [kai]The only difference now is we are both.  It’s internal.  Before, afraid of each other.  Now, afraid of ourselves.[/kai]

     

    ð ” I wonder if there's some kind of forbidden spell somewhere that would let me duplicate myself. Just make clones that can work till they drop... and I wouldn't have to deal with everyone's memories.”

     

    He smiled easily,  [kai]…and your own?  Where do they fit in?[/kai]

     

    ð ” Everyone always says "Oh! I want super-strength, or the ability to fly, or super-speed if they get asked their preferred superhero power. Me? I just want to make clones... Why be fast if you can be in two places at once? Why be super-strong if you can band together to the same effect? Flying? well that's cool, but... actually I don't have an argument against that one. ”

     

    He laughed as well, quiet a moment.

     

    [kai]It’s difficult to be a one man army, let alone a one man army with the power that you do.  I think you understand I know how you feel.  I’m not going to dance around and pretend to ignore the fact you knew I wasn’t normal when you walked in, just like I knew you weren’t.[/kai]  he hadn’t yet decided how much he really trusted ARMA with his secrets, they seemed to leave his kind alone except when someone got loose in the populated areas and needed to be taken down.  Perhaps this was an opportunity for a mutual partnership, perhaps not.  The client came first, always.  If it blossomed into that at another time, then it was an added bonus to his cause.  [kai]Point is, just by coming here, you have cloned yourself.  Now there are two, and I’m here for whoever needs the same sanctity of mind that you need.  Venting?  I’m here for that.  Scourged by what has been seen, I can relate to that too.  Even the mental acuity needed to protect themselves against what they might potentially see.  I can do that for you, I can do that for them.  There are not many that can, but I will.[/kai]

     

    He finished his second cup and set it down quietly, already feeling a bit more coffee fed and ready to put in a long day.

     

    [kai]You need someone to screen your field mages, I know how to find the cracks.[/kai]

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    Alec's ears perked at the sound of Russian.

    [walker] رزونانس: آوردن معنای جدید به شیاطین درونی مدت [/walker]

    (Resonance: Bringing new meaning to the term inner demons)

     

    Alec smiled, having switched fluidly to Farsi. He got the feeling Kai wasn't just some former naval officer. LIkelihood was he'd at least recognize the linguistic patterns, even if Farsi wasn't a language he spoke fluently.

     

    [kai] The only difference now is we are both.  It’s internal.  Before, afraid of each other.  Now, afraid of ourselves.[/kai]

     

    Alec chuckled softly. Kai had his finger on the pulse of the conflict. And he wasn't pulling punches. That was, at least, a benefit. 

     

    [walker] I like to think I can handle my own memories. [/walker] Alec interjected, pointedly, before rambling on about powers.

     

    [kai]I’m not going to dance around and pretend to ignore the fact you knew I wasn’t normal when you walked in, just like I knew you weren’t.[/kai]

     

    Eyelids flashed close over brown orbs. [walker] You're right. Something's off about you. Something more animal than man. Don't even have to go into your mind to realize that--Just need to feel it push back. [/walker] A short pause. [walker] More accurately, swipe back. [/walker] 

     

    [walker] But I'm not here because you're something beyond human. I'm here because, as you say. you know what I'm feeling. You've seen it all. What you haven't seen, you've heard... but I get the feeling there's not much you've had to hear. [/walker] 

     

    Alec had forgotten the second mug of coffee by the time Kai said he'd screen the field mages. [walker] How? [/walker] 

     

    Alec watched the shrink's face intently, wondering what he'd do. [walker] What questions could you possibly ask that would make it OK for us to send kids out into battle? There's not a mage alive that isn't scarred somehow. [/walker] 

     

    He paced his words. [walker] Half of us discovered our powers in the middle of a crisis. The other half created a crisis when they did. Families decimated by spells gone wrong, zombie assaults, vampires feasting on siblings. Mothers cut down in the snow! [/walker] Alec's voice steadily increased in volume, exploding on the last point. 

     

    [walker] I'm sorry... Shouldn't have snapped like that. [/walker]

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    ð ” رزونانس: آوردن معنای جدید به شیاطین درونی مدت

     

    The curl upward of the Were’s lips was nonchalant. Polish and he spoke Russian. Farsi and he spoke Arabic. Always just out of reach. The soldier had been northward enough times to identify and understand Farsi. Saved his ass more than he could count, but far from being able to speak smooth conversation… He hadn’t thought about it in such a long time, the memories slid back uninvited- and not great ones at that- the words an automatic quell to a cat that was becoming agitated with the unwelcome jar of the past. Arabic sprouting from his lips in response.

     

    التي هي واضحة للعالم…

    (That are now visible to the world)

     

    That was enough with the tete-a-tete. They could wax poetic about the state of the world forever. Everyone’s secrets were on full display, whether they knew it or not. This man was trying to do the right thing, and while doing so he was destroying his own psyche. Had any of them really learned anything at the end of the world other than to magnify their misery?

     

    Expression remained neutral and stoic even as the client’s words became more pointed. There were moments when many, many people had been exceptionally crueler to him. There were things he was subjected to, even as a Were with his pre-Resonance past, would never wish on his worst enemy. But, this was seemingly where the bullshit ended and words were now becoming more raw, and with that, more truthful to the core of his troubles.

     

    He met the flicker of the man’s eyes with calm indifference, feline green darkening slightly as pupils flared unconsciously and narrowed again.

     

    ð ” You're right. Something's off about you. Something more animal than man. Don't even have to go into your mind to realize that--Just need to feel it push back. More accurately, swipe back. ”

     

    He nodded slightly, simply acknowledging the man’s observations.

     

    ð ” But I'm not here because you're something beyond human. I'm here because, as you say. you know what I'm feeling. You've seen it all. What you haven't seen, you've heard... but I get the feeling there's not much you've had to hear. ”

     

    He nodded slightly again, two fingers on his temple as he settled back in the chair, his other hand on the arm. The man knew, believed what the Were had to say and could read inbetween to pinpoint what wasn’t being said.

     

    ð ” How? ”

     

    What made him so qualified to vet newbies?

     

    [kai]Because I’ve seen it all.[/kai] he used the man’s own words. He WAS one of the broken ones, and had pulled his shit back together from the most apocalyptic experience the world had ever seen.

     

    ð ” What questions could you possibly ask that would make it OK for us to send kids out into battle? There's not a mage alive that isn't scarred somehow. ”

     

    [kai]It’s never okay to send kids to battle. That’s a choice you and they have to make.[/kai]

     

    He’d been a child, but he’d chosen to go. Had been conditioned to go, destined to go. There were never any answers he could have given that would suffice vetted questions.

     

    ð ” Half of us discovered our powers in the middle of a crisis. The other half created a crisis when they did. Families decimated by spells gone wrong, zombie assaults, vampires feasting on siblings. Mothers cut down in the snow! ”

     

    Blink was slow. At the edge of the core, finally. Cat bristled, the first metaphysical baring of teeth merely a warning underneath the mortal shell that looked completely calm in the face of an explosive display of ache for his fellow magi.

     

    ð ” I'm sorry... Shouldn't have snapped like that. ”

     

    Nod was slight again, it definitely wasn’t the first time he’d been exploded at. It was however, significantly more charged than a mortal screaming at him and crying her eyes out why she couldn’t seem to get away from an abusive husband. The cat, wasn’t amused. The man, was fine with it.

     

    [kai]There are no questions you can ask to see if someone is ready to use, see, or do things they may or may not understand completely. Just like there are no ways to prepare someone for waking up covered in blood after a full moon only to be hunted by half the surviving planet.[/kai]

     

    Whether it was his truth or not, he didn’t divulge or elaborate through any outward way.

     

    [kai]Soldiers just are. Good and bad. The good are bothered by what they do and see. The bad, are not. The good have methods of coping- which can be taught. The bad, don’t need them because they lack empathy. Soldiers recognize other soldiers of their kind. The fact that your soldiers are bothered by what they do and see means they are on the correct side of the fight.[/kai]

     

    Thumb rubbed across his lower lip slightly. It was a deadpan answer to the man's elephant in the room question.

     

    [kai]Ask yourself when you look at a recruit, if the worse happens- horror beyond comprehension, can they make it matter?[/kai]

     

    It was vague by proxy. An open ended question with paradoxical answer.

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    Alec chuckled. [walker] It seems we miss one another by inches.[/walker] 

     

    The mage enjoyed this little exchange of words. [walker] It's rare these days to see someone who speaks multiple languages so fluidly. [/walker] A memory of one of the late recruits to ARMA slipped into his mind. [walker] Once had a mage transfer into the OFL's New York office from... I think it was a Siberian outpost of the Russian chapter. [/walker] 

     

    Alec smiled. [walker] Anyway, Clariee shows up at the ARMA office speaking not a damn word of English, and somehow, Wesley ends up offending her on every possible level. Turns out our unit of time 'minute' is dangerously close to "minet." [/walker] The mage started laughing, knowing Kai's grasp of Russian wouldn't require him to make the joke.

     

    [walker] Clariee nearly froze Wesley's blood in his veins... I had to make her a frickin decoder ring. I couldn't tell you how we made it work, but somehow we got this tiny ring to translate everything she said into English. [/walker] Alec smirked. [walker] Sorry, getting off track. Just love linguistic exchange... [/walker] 

     

    Alec got back to Kai's comments at hand. 

     

    [kai] There are no questions you can ask to see if someone is ready to use, see, or do things they may or may not understand completely. Just like there are no ways to prepare someone for waking up covered in blood after a full moon only to be hunted by half the surviving planet.[/kai] 

     

    Alec stared blankly for a moment. Did the counselor just admit to being a were? No matter. [walker] So we just go on gut instinct? [/walker] Alec questioned, trying to understand Kai's philosophy.

     

    [kai]Ask yourself when you look at a recruit, if the worse happens- horror beyond comprehension, can they make it matter?[/kai]

     

    The mage sat back in his chair, a hand reaching up to scratch the back of his neck.

     

    [walker] How do we make that decision? It's the same question you said we can't answer. Is someone ready? No way to know until they wake up screaming in the middle of the night.[/walker] 

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    (cont...)

     

    ð ” It seems we miss one another by inches.”

     

    The quiet laugh was rare from the cat, at least in a public sense.  Mack made him laugh, a lot, and it felt natural with her- as much as he could remember natural as being.  He hadn’t believed for most of his adult life he could even manage such a thing.  Little by little as he worked at it with her help, his youth was opening up to him.  Before the shined shoes, morning runs and drills, there were memories of Christmas drawing back out of his subconscious and starting to mingle together with memories of Mack.  Was he becoming a real person finally and not just an actor?  The thought brought an odd rush of prickles over his skin.  It calmed the beast.  King Kong. He was in New York after all.  As long as he didn’t start climbing to the top of buildings he was relatively okay. 

     

    Inches though, in reality the two might have well been miles apart.  Perhaps not.

     

    ð ” It's rare these days to see someone who speaks multiple languages so fluidly. ”

     

    He nodded with a smile.  How many did he speak?  Most major dialects, and could understand the minor ones if they were offshoots.  They were easier to understand than speak most of the time, but he could communicate with half the people on the planet.

     

    Listening with amusement, lower lip was bit slightly in a smirk at the man's joke.  For him, multi-faceted.

     

    [kai]Unfortunately that happens,[/kai]  he chuckled, speaking from experience.  [kai]From Siberia, he’s lucky she didn’t do more than just threaten him.[/kai]

     

    He noted the ability to make “decoder” rings, filing it for later.  He wasn’t sure if this man had made them himself, or someone else.  It was good networking for the future.  Keen eyes were watching the man stare as he pondered.  Perhaps he’d put two and two together. A good number of his clients were clueless and never needed to know.  A good deal were also coming to him specifically because they knew.  He was getting the overall feeling the man didn’t care.  Good.  The Were wasn’t the only one vetting the other.

     

    ð ” So we just go on gut instinct? ”

     

    [kai]Yes.[/kai]

     

    Blink was slow, watching the man crunch all the questions in the world together in one big ball of rubber bands, ready to spring out in every direction.

     

    ð ” How do we make that decision? It's the same question you said we can't answer. Is someone ready? No way to know until they wake up screaming in the middle of the night.”

     

    He nodded his head.  No way to know, letting the reality there wasn’t an answer settle heavy in the room for a moment.  It was his turn to sit back in the chair, hands folding over his stomach and stretching out his legs to cross his ankles.  He was comfortable, or appeared to be.

     

    [kai]I’m going to share something, if you tell anyone I’ll have to kill you,[/kai]  it was said in jest.  Reality?  If the guy blew it around the city the cat would take care of it whether he himself could stop it or not.  Once the man got an itch under his skin, the animal couldn’t shake it until it had been resolved- usually with death of some kind.  He would fight to make sure that didn't happen, and was hoping his own instinct about the guy was sound.  It usually was.

     

    This man was important, he was important to ARMA, and ARMA did good work.  Everywhere.  Around the world.  The Were didn’t think the magus truly understood how invaluable he was to not just his city and his organization, but to the world.  That was okay for now.  He was worked up enough as it was, that would be for a later session.

     

    [kai]My parents were SIS.  MI6 to the rest of the world.  I went to a military academy, was slated for West Point, but ended up in SEALS when I was pulled because my combat skills and marksmanship were… exceptional.  The rest, is lost to the old world.  All that training, all those expert teachers, and I was still honorably discharged, not by choice.[/kai]

     

    He got up to refill his coffee, hearing his receptionist finally make it in.  Eyes flicked toward the closed door, she wasn’t usually that late.  He’d thought about getting those little whitenoise machines to make him less sensitive to her movements in the lobby -her keyboard drove him nuts- the white noise would probably drive him nuts too so he hadn’t attempted it yet. 

     

    [kai]Point is, you can train, you can not train.  Prepare or not prepare.  We have no clue how people will handle the stresses of war.  So we train, we teach, we rely on our expertise and instinct, and we provide a way to pick up the pieces when we are wrong.  That’s why ARMA needs you.[/kai]

     

    He took a drink, hand sliding in his pocket casually as his fingers wrapped around the mug to warm them.  It was adding up to be a big coffee day.

     

    [kai]The question really is, what do you need, so you can continue to give them what they need?[/kai]

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    [walker] Truer words have rarely been spoken. [/walker] Alec chuckled. [walker] Russian chicks fall right into that "Hot/Crazy" category. Usually right on the line, too... almost as often as Spanish girls. [/walker] A soft smile. 

     

    He moved on to the actual meat of the conversation, leaving that bit of frivolity in the past. There were matters of professional sanity at stake here. 

     

    Kai got serious, making the half-hearted and overplayed joke about needing to kill if he told. Alec was expecting a confession of lycanthropy... some kind of deep dark secret that would actually impact the way he treated the man. 

     

    [kai]My parents were SIS.  MI6 to the rest of the world.  I went to a military academy, was slated for West Point, but ended up in SEALS when I was pulled because my combat skills and marksmanship were… exceptional.  The rest, is lost to the old world.  All that training, all those expert teachers, and I was still honorably discharged, not by choice.[/kai]

     

    Alec opened his mouth to speak, finger coming up as he began to articulate a point, then dropping back down as he went silent. Kai continued.

     

    [kai]... You can train, you can not train.  Prepare or not prepare.  We have no clue how people will handle the stresses of war.  So we train, we teach, we rely on our expertise and instinct, and we provide a way to pick up the pieces when we are wrong.[/kai]

     

    Alec blinked. He knew he was important to ARMA. Everyone with a badge was these days. His head was down, thumbs waging war with one another.

     

    Kai was up and getting more coffee. Alec heard a faint click and footsteps. The assistant was probably back. 

     

    [kai] What do You need? [/kai] Alec looked up

     

    [walker] Huh? I mean... I don't know. [/walker] The mage had been wracking his brain for the past few days, trying to figure out the answer to that question. [walker] I couldn't tell you. Maybe just needed to talk to someone who'd know what to listen for. I can't figure out what's... [/walker] Alec yawned again... the first time in a few minutes. [walker] Sorry. I don't know. Usually, if something's bothering me, it's right up there in the front of my mind. This time, I've got no idea.  [/walker] Alec frowned.

     

    He didn't like feeling quite so useless, incapable of controlling his own mind.  Too much was riding on his ability to compartmentalize and move on... he just had to push past this obstacle.

     

    [walker] A lot of the world doesn't really remember the way things were anymore. Too young, too naive... You ever read The Giver? it's like we live in a world where everyone's forgotten, and there are so few who remember normal life that they're the outliers. Not a subset of the population, but so distant that they're actually skewing the data. [/walker]

     

    Alec looked back down at his thumbs. [walker] About a year ago, there was some group up in Boston that ran a poll... amazingly unbiased, given what the world has turned to. Nearly eighty-three percent of the population that had been alive before 2008 couldn't remember the names of presidents, the Columbia disaster, the twin towers... the list goes on.[/walker]

     

    Head rolled from right to left, the joints in his spine popping with a subdued series of cracks. Exhale of breath accompanied the noises. [walker] Of the massive population that lost families and friends in the event, a minuscule five percent saw a body or even ended a life themselves. Ninety-five percent of people who lost everything have no idea if their families are alive, infected, or dead. [/walker] Alec was rattling off numbers and percentages like they were the most important things in life. 

     

    [walker] And I'm sitting here, complaining because I can't sleep... Hell, I spent the last nine years wondering what happened to my sister. I've spent the last thirty wondering what happened to my mother... Been... twelve years, I think? yeah, twelve years since I've spoken to my fiance. [/walker] Alec went quiet.

     

    His hands were clasped, no movement. Foot started to tap against the floor, knee quivering. Back hunched forward as Alec leaned in.

     

    [walker] But... we move on. We compartmentalize our past and we get on with life in the present. It was easy just a few years ago. The world wasn't normal. Of course we weren't sitting out on the patio, grilling steak and potatoes, eating corn on the cob. Now, if you want a normal life, you stay in the city limits and you say hello to your neighbor, who's got a neat prehensile tail, and you take a walk down to Central Park to play with the creatures in the lake. Of course you don't go into the Hudson, but from what I gather, you didn't exactly want to do that before either. [/walker] 

     

    Hands separated, fingers of the right clamping down on his knee to stop it from shaking.

     

    [walker] So now we start wondering. Boy I'd love to just pick up the phone and hear what Amy's been doing for the last decade. I bet she's off on some incredible journey around the world. Karen's probably helping the military out in England fight that dragon. If they're not dead. Maybe I should send Professor Keating an email. He'd have a field day studying the sociological breakdown of veil-crossers. But no, he's probably long dead, maybe a zombie. [/walker]

     

    Knuckles turned white as Alec seized his knee more tightly, stopping it from slamming into the floor.

     

    [walker] We have time to think now... time to reminisce, to focus on rebuilding lives instead of repelling hordes and rebuilding infrastructure. [/walker] Alec let out a sigh and leaned back. [walker] I don't know... I guess that's just a scary prospect. I understand why sharks never stop moving forward, in a sense. [/walker]

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    ” Truer words have rarely been spoken. Russian chicks fall right into that "Hot/Crazy" category. Usually right on the line, too... almost as often as Spanish girls. ”

     

    [kai]I could say that about American girls too.[/kai]  he could, technically he wasn’t American.  Sort of.  Dual citizenship before citizenship didn’t matter.  His basis of comparison was Mack mostly.  There had been some other crazy encounters with women taking his classes that were more interested in getting in his pants than getting a self-defense education.  They were a bit peeved when he said no.

     

    He had spoken his truth, and was up getting coffee when he asked the man what he needed.  That got his attention, and truly he wasn’t sure what to expect.  Most delved right in.  Respect.  Freedom to do what they wanted.  Second chances.  He leaned on his desk, crossing his ankles, arms crossing too as he promised himself this would be his last cup of coffee or HE wouldn’t be able to sleep. 

     

    ð ” Huh? I mean... I don't know.   I couldn't tell you. Maybe just needed to talk to someone who'd know what to listen for. I can't figure out what's...  Sorry. I don't know. Usually, if something's bothering me, it's right up there in the front of my mind. This time, I've got no idea.  ”

     

    He noted the yawn and the frown.  The man seemed clearly tired.  How did one shut their brain off long enough to let it sleep?  The question was one he asked on a daily basis himself.  For him, train.  Otherwise when it got close to the moon, he knocked his ass out.  It was more for protection of other people than himself, but he had to admit he was glad he did it.  It was definitely something he didn’t want to suggest yet.

     

    ð ” A lot of the world doesn't really remember the way things were anymore. Too young, too naive... You ever read The Giver? it's like we live in a world where everyone's forgotten, and there are so few who remember normal life that they're the outliers. Not a subset of the population, but so distant that they're actually skewing the data. ”

     

    [kai]The Giver.  Eighth grade required reading,[/kai] he was intelligent man, but definitely not a genius.  It took a moment to think back, continuing to listen as he put pieces together of the statistics being rattled off.  He was casually acquainted with some of them.  Research and publication had not yet returned to its churning out of rational thought yet.

     

    ð ” About a year ago, there was some group up in Boston that ran a poll... amazingly unbiased, given what the world has turned to. Nearly eighty-three percent of the population that had been alive before 2008 couldn't remember the names of presidents, the Columbia disaster, the twin towers... the list goes on.”

     

    ð ” Of the massive population that lost families and friends in the event, a minuscule five percent saw a body or even ended a life themselves. Ninety-five percent of people who lost everything have no idea if their families are alive, infected, or dead. ”

     

    The world had become a war zone of which he was intimately familiar.  A great portion of his life was moving through them.  The world had become a planet of refugees.

     

    ð ” And I'm sitting here, complaining because I can't sleep... Hell, I spent the last nine years wondering what happened to my sister. I've spent the last thirty wondering what happened to my mother... Been... twelve years, I think? yeah, twelve years since I've spoken to my fiance. ”

     

    He watched the quiet intently, the random movement of his heel, not wanting to interrupt.  This man had met adversity before, spread out over years versus the sudden trauma of the end of the world.

     

    ð ” But... we move on. We compartmentalize our past and we get on with life in the present. It was easy just a few years ago. The world wasn't normal. Of course we weren't sitting out on the patio, grilling steak and potatoes, eating corn on the cob. Now, if you want a normal life, you stay in the city limits and you say hello to your neighbor, who's got a neat prehensile tail, and you take a walk down to Central Park to play with the creatures in the lake. Of course you don't go into the Hudson, but from what I gather, you didn't exactly want to do that before either. ”

     

    Eyes were still focused on the movement, the cat was annoyed.  It was a rhythmic thing that buzzed on the edge of his OCD, doing his best to focus.

     

    ð ” So now we start wondering. Boy I'd love to just pick up the phone and hear what Amy's been doing for the last decade. I bet she's off on some incredible journey around the world. Karen's probably helping the military out in England fight that dragon. If they're not dead. Maybe I should send Professor Keating an email. He'd have a field day studying the sociological breakdown of veil-crossers. But no, he's probably long dead, maybe a zombie. ”

     

    He continued to let the man push forth everything that he most likely had not had the chance to spill out.  Did those that had heavy responsibilities pour them out in the lunchroom over break?  No.  He wondered if it was the first time he’d voice any of this to anyone.  The tapping finally stopped, eyes moving back to the man.

     

    ð ” We have time to think now... time to reminisce, to focus on rebuilding lives instead of repelling hordes and rebuilding infrastructure. I don't know... I guess that's just a scary prospect. I understand why sharks never stop moving forward, in a sense. ”

     

    [kai]All sharks have to do it swim, eat, and make little sharks,[/kai]  he was quiet a moment, never once thinking he would find quotes from that movie fitting.  [kai]They don’t worry what became of their families or what their future has in store for them.[/kai]

     

    He sat the cup down on the large mahogany desk, hands on both sides of his hips.

     

    [kai]The entire world has been traumatized, displaced.  You’d think watching war and playing video games would make us immune like the shrinks complained about.  It didn’t.  We’re all refugees, smashed together into a new world that’s just in its infancy.  We keep holding onto what was.  It’s the nature of us.  It’s what makes us truly human, even if that definition is now changing.  It’s going to take time to evolve.[/kai]

     

    The word was very well chosen.  It explained everything he was, hell everything the world now was.  He crossed his arms again.

     

    [kai]Back to my original question, what do you need?  You’re worried about the mental and physical health of people you care about and you feel you’re responsible for.  You’re worried we’ve lost our humanity as a global community, that we can’t reach out and touch those we used to be able to and we’ve lost their knowledge.  We’ve been set back a hundred years in terms of communication, the size of our controlled domains, with essentially the collective memories of children to put it back together.  Collective memories that have no guidance or basis of comparison.  We have race cars, and nothing but a stone wheel to make them go.[/kai]

     

    Thumbs tapped on his biceps gently.

     

    [kai]The world is rethinking, redefining our knowledge, and all that…[/kai]  he gestured toward the window.  He could get so deep into behavior philosophy they would be here forever, but… sleep was the man’s priority.  [kai]Our new bodies are obstacles to our new world.  Our minds should be able to overcome that, but they’re obsessed with what was.[/kai]

     

    Brows furled slightly, reaching to pick up the coffee cup and take a drink, one hand back to the desk next to his hip.

     

    [kai]Your experiences, my experiences are different than most.  We lost before the world ended.  We remember.  You can’t put the world back together yourself.  Neither can I for that matter.  You also shouldn’t feel as if it’s your fault they are not ready, and that you can’t help them.  They have to meet you half way.[/kai]  Sigh was long, [kai]this is a very callous analogy, but in order to move forward, an army has to have a front line.  The first ones in.  That front line takes heavy casualties.  They may be ready, they may not be, but whatever they do advances the cause.  Whether it’s success or failure, it moves forward.  The strong will rise from that strife, and move forward again.  We want to save everyone.  In reality, we save who we can.  We have to accept the fact we don’t have the skills yet to save everyone.[/kai]

     

    Eyes had come to rest on the toes of his shined shoes under the impeccably pressed khakis, rising to look at the man.  Under his feet, there were vaults.  Vaults that attested to the fact he couldn’t save everyone, but he was trying.

     

    [kai]Nobody, in the history of the world has mastered that.  I couldn't, you can't, I still can't.  But we try, and we move forward.  I know it probably doesn't bring you much peace of mind, but you are not alone in this fight.  Everyone, even the neighbors with the visible and invisible prehensile tails are fighting the same fight.[/kai]

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    Alec had been rambling, but it was time to listen.

     

    [kai]You’re worried about the mental and physical health of people you care about and you feel you’re responsible for.  You’re worried we’ve lost our humanity as a global community, that we can’t reach out and touch those we used to be able to and we’ve lost their knowledge.  We’ve been set back a hundred years in terms of communication, the size of our controlled domains, with essentially the collective memories of children to put it back together.  Collective memories that have no guidance or basis of comparison.  We have race cars, and nothing but a stone wheel...[/kai]

     

    Somewhere in the middle of Kai's discourse, Alec felt his mind drifting away. Kai was right, but it wasn't like he was speaking any new truths. Alec had long since known the reality of the world. He'd spotted the slumbering feline only because the creature had chosen to stretch its paws out in front of it. A smile crossed his face. Alec had an appreciation for all things soft, fluffy, and otherwise adorable. Cats were the closest you could have gotten to Red Pandas as pets, which immediately made up for how much cats obviously hated everyone else.

     

    Had Red Pandas survived the resonance? The mage really hadn't been to a Zoo in more than a decade, so he wasn't sure. They were the idiots of the animal world, after all... maybe their cuteness had given them the benefit of the doubt? No... they really were stupid enough to walk straight into danger... He'd have to go to the zoo and see if one was living. Regardless, Kai was talking... it was rude to ignore him.

     

    [kai]In reality, we save who we can.  We have to accept the fact we don’t have the skills yet to save everyone.[/kai]

     

    Alec mumbled affirmatively under his breath. 

     

    [kai]We try, and we move forward.  I know it probably doesn't bring you much peace of mind, but you are not alone in this fight.  Everyone, even the neighbors with the visible and invisible prehensile tails are fighting the same fight[/kai]

     

    A soft nod. Kai was right. 

     

    [walker] I wish I could tell you it makes me feel better to hear someone else say it...[/walker] Alec shifted slightly in his chair. [walker] But it does me more good than you know to have a chance to talk through this with someone. [/walker] 

     

    Alec was beginning to wonder if he was keeping someone waiting. [walker] I'm sure I've taken up way more than enough of your time today with this crap anyway. And knowing me, I've got another few days of beating myself up before I can work through this. [/walker] 

     

    He almost wished he still had time to talk, but there was work to be done, new reasoning to be attempted, and life to be lived... until he ran into more issues and made a second appointment. That probably wouldn't be too far off.

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