A Fae Tale for Growing Children

[Mana Aizawa]

April 18th. Central Park 

 

Hibernation was over.  Winter was over.  Spring had sprung magnificently.  It was going to be a fairy tale story with a fairy tale ending.  Mana was going to meet a charming man who was really a prince, and he was going to fall in love with her, swear never-ending devotion and promise to protect her from all bad things. 

 

Mana was feeling more alive than she had felt in months.  She imagined finding a job--preferably at a floral shop (or even a bridal shop--she could imagine a discount coming in handy once that prince proposed marriage).  

 

It felt good to be walking the streets of New York City.  She had come all the way to Central Park because she wanted to see the trees budding, that first totally mind-blowing green that lasts for only a short while in early spring.  

 

And it was awesome, more than she could have hoped for, with even children and nannies bouncing around, with insects and crocuses, and daffodils blooming--colors so vibrant as to almost be blinding.  

 

Mana wandered down park walking paths, deeper and deeper into the park.  She was imagining herself as a fairy--flying like some cartoon character up into a sacred tree and smiling down on all the other fairies--all beautiful with pointed ears (and a slight greenish tinge to their skin).  Mana laughed a few sweet giggles at herself.  She hadn't actually laughed for more than a year.  At least she couldn't remember laughing.   

 

True she was wearing old sneakers, so worn her toes stuck out of the one on her left foot, and a jacket so tattered she was an advertisement for homelessness.  She was skinnier than she had ever been in her life--not even weighing 90 pounds now.  But, she was on the up and up, finally the poster child of optimism, the picture of cuteness.  

 

Mana wandered ever deeper into the park until she came upon a tree--one that seemed ever so slightly out of place, or maybe actually more in place than all the surrounding ones.  There seemed to be a charm to the very air near it.  Mana imagined it to be a fairy's sacred tree, like in some Hollywood movie where the tree needed to protected or else all the fairies would perish.  Mana smiled and thought how if she ever met a fairy . . . and she stopped. 

 

She remembered that cold doctor with the pointed ears, the one who rode a big Harley motorcycle.  That had not been a good experience.  But she would cast old memories from her mind and only move forward now.  Plus, the only reason she thought "fairy" was his unnaturally pointed ears.  How silly of her, she now chastised herself.  

 

Mana looked back at the tree, the ground beneath it was leaf covered, and there was the smell of soil and lichen.  Mana sat near it, not too near, but near enough.  She actually was feeling fatigued, and more thirsty than she wanted to admit.  A short rest would be just the thing, Mana thought.  

 

She inhaled and exhaled, and with each breath, she again noticed the distinctive aroma of soil and lichen--having been raised in large cities or expensive suburbs, these were not the aromas she was really familiar with. But, she did find them now really special, maybe somehow primitive even.  

 

As she sat on the still chilly ground, she imagined crawling toward the really large tree with the ever so black bark.  She inhaled more of that soil/lichen scented air and felt her lungs expand and contract in truly life-confirming ways.  She was ALIVE! It felt so very, very good.  She sensed no danger at all.  What possible danger could there be in a park?  

 

And in any case, a prince would soon arrive to protect her from any dangers that might arise.  A man that would end the long years of waiting for this man, the long years of wondering whether it would ever happen, a really nice man, one fairly good looking, protective, caring, falling in love with her.  

 

"Oh, Mana, don't wish too hard.  It is bad luck."  Well, she could imagine, day dream, at least.  Nothing wrong with that.  

 

She gave another look at the huge tree.  It twisted, now that Mana was really looking, in such a way that gave it a slightly frightening countenance.  "Just my imagination," Mana said almost aloud.  

[Ishsa Nestra]

The day was bright and perfect, yet a swirling maelstrom of darkness grew in the Fae’s heart. Sitting upon a boulder, she surveyed the expansive field before her and seethed. Too many people were out to enjoy the early spring day. Delighted voices had interrupted her reverie and intermittent laughter had interfered with her Songs. Humans had descended upon the Park with music and noise, and foul, fried meats! Ishsa’s nose wrinkled. They should have stayed where they belonged - within the city’s brick and concrete confines. Had it been night, she might even have even visited them there – on her own terms. But here, they crushed the newly begun grass and harassed the budding flowers. The tiny melody of emerging shoots was forever lost in their noise! An ominous anger simmered within the Fae, and grew ever stronger.

She couldn’t remain still! Nervous energy permeated her form and sent her wings pulsing from base to finely detailed tip as she scowled at the field, full of visitors. In groups they were intolerable! The single ones were easier to catch; but today it seemed everyone who was not picnicking ran too quickly along the jogging trails. Not one person had stopped at Ishsa’s attempts to engage them! Spring fever had waylaid her fun and stolen her pleasure! The whole lot bored her! Be gone! She thought, wishing them all far away - or dead. Not one of them excited the Fae, not one of them made her heart leap.

Tap. Tap. Tap. The long stick in her hand tapped upon the rock as annoyance grew to anger, then to rage. The longer she sat, discontent escalated. A line had been crossed and crossed over and again. Ishsa had been patient! But no more! Not one of those below had made offerings to Spring or to the Trees! No one had acknowledged the shift of seasons or of the growing energies. Humans only used and used and used! The Fae’s eyes lit with brown-gold fire and a new purpose. Today there would be no play! Instead, Ishsa would find prey. Today she would be predator and set the Wood to rights! Blood would spill and nurture growth; nothing less would sate her current disposition.

Defiantly she stood and worked her way down from the rocks; the stick dragged behind her. It bumped and scraped along the stone and the damp earth as she passed between tree and bush and rocks. Bare feet stepped softly and left no print, for that was how lightly she passed. Her dress had become dirt stained. Her hair, unkempt and uncombed fell in wild tresses. Today she had been too preoccupied to attend to grooming. She looked to be a wild thing and with a feral countenance she moved cautiously, the idle dance absent from her steps. Foul and dark thoughts filled the Fae’s mind as she passed deeper into the thickets of the Wood. The silence was welcomed, but for the slight sound of the stick as her hand held it lightly, and it bounced, leaving a line of her crossing behind her.

At the junction of deer trail and a little stream, Ishsa continued and came upon a girl who sat in front of a tree. Eindride! Her Tree! And in her Circle! The earth too was damp here, lichen covered rocks and leaves covered all. The stick hung loosely gripped as she stopped to ponder this offense. Why did the dark haired girl gaze at the Tree as she did? Did she know its secrets? Ishsa’s blood pulsed and her heart fluttered. The girl had trespassed! Silent as death, the Fae listened to see if there were others, but there was no one else about. Her face lifted to sniff the air – neither was there magic on this skinny girl. Ishsa felt no threat from the little thing… but the girl had found her hidden Tree. Interloper! That was a thought not to be born! The Fae’s red lips parted in lethal delight. The girl had come to steal her treasures!

Voice sweet and low as winter honey, the Fae spoke from where she stood behind the girl, no longer hidden, “What do you see? What do you look at so intently?” Her eyes never left the girl, least she be a cloaked enemy. “Do you not fear to trespass upon some creature’s domain?”

[Mana Aizawa]

April 18th Central Park 

 

Mana was disturbed in her reverie  by a soft voice (funny word "reverie" since Mana was mostly going over how pathetic her love life has been).  

 

Shifting her gaze from the mysterious tree, but weird tree, turning her head as far as she could without turning her body, Mana caught a glimpse of a girl.  The girl was only slightly taller than Mana herself, or so Mana guessed.  But it wasn't the petite size of the girl that caused Mana a moments pause, but her white hair.  It was strikingly white--and certainly not dyed.  

 

“What do you see? What do you look at so intently?”  “Do you not fear to trespass upon some creature’s domain?”

 

Mana had been bred and raised to be exceptionally polite, so Mana turned herself around, bowed ever so slightly, somehow feeling as though a bow would be appropriate, and answered the question (confusing as it was to Mana): "Am I trespassing?  I hardly think so.  This is Central Park."  At first Mana had thought to be a tiny bit flippant.  But, she was sensitive enough to discern that her first words had not produced the response she had thought that they might produce. So she paused and thought a moment.   

 

Mana was far from a nature person.  As a young child she had lived in a mansion with fairly extensive gardens, but the gardening had been the domain of a gardener.  And unlike American children, Mana had never once gone camping.   Even had her father been less busy, the very last thing he would have done would to have taken Mana and her sister camping.  It wasn't part of their DNA.  So, nature was sort of an alien and mysterious entity to Mana.  She was more used to finding nature in books and in reality. 

 

Mana, a literature major in college, believed she probably could tell the difference between a birch tree and a elm tree, and she guessed she might be able to tell the difference between an oak tree and a maple.  But, that was about as far as her knowledge of forestry went.  So, she really wasn't clear exactly what had brought her to this hidden spot inside Central Park.  Nor was she clear as to why she had been staring at the tree--except that its bark and trunk were, to her eyes, rather distinctive.  

 

So, Mana again began to talk, her voice was soft and rather high pitched--soft from years of training by her father, a strict man who demanded complete obedience from his daughters (though Mana's sister had been rebellious enough to be a disappointment).  Mana's high voice was simply her natural voice, and Mana sometimes felt embarrassed by it, because she was so often mistaken for a child simply by being so small--her high voice only went to confirm to others that she was in fact a child.  Mana wasn't a child.  

 

"I actually don't know how I ended up here.  I have not ever been here before.  In fact, you maybe won't believe this, but this is only my second time in the park.  And I don't think I was really looking all that intently at the tree.  In fact, I was pondering something.  Well, to be blunt, I was thinking about how I haven't had one boyfriend in my life--not a real one."  

 

Mana, paused, wondered a bit about the girl, the stick in her hand, the whiteness of her hair.  Thoughts passed through Mana's mind.  While in LA, her boss, Madame Benz, had been something other than a simple human.  Unlike others, Mana had met a great many different kinds of people in her work as a courtesan at the "Tea House".  But, she had not ever met anyone quite like the apparition before her now.  Yet, Mana wasn't afraid.  In fact, despite that stick in the girl's hand, the girl seemed harmless.  

 

"It's a really weird tree, don't you think? I don't think most trees grow like this one.  And it seems really hidden, even though it's right in the middle of this popular park.  I have to admit that there was something that attracted my attention though.  I think it was the way the trunk twists and the effect of the bark.  Really weird."  

 

Mana rose from where she had been kneeling on the spring-time grass and even standing up, she realized she had been right--she was even shorter than this small person before her.  When the girl had not responded following Mana's attempted explanation, Mana wondered if she had said something wrong, or possibly even the girl was having some problem. "Are you okay?"   

[Ishsa Nestra]

Are you okay? The words repeated in Ishsa’s mind. Was she? Was she okay? Questions like this confused the Fae; to ponder such things taxed her in ways she could not explain. It made the past and present collide and thoughts to slow. Many years ago, in those the first weeks and months within the Woods, she had asked herself the same question many times. She had been lost. And she had lost something… something important. Humanity. It was not a loss to be willingly remembered! Though the moon continued to rise and the sun to set, time passed and passed. Of course she was okay now! The Fae snorted at the obvious.

The girl’s offered bow surprised the Fae and waylaid the circling thoughts in Ishsa’s mind. The show of deference greatly pleased her, for she was a prideful creature. It should have happened before, many times. But this time, it was especially fitting - the girl had trespassed! Without leave! A dissatisfied trill rose in Ishsa’s throat as the girl claimed Central Park for everyone. Could this Human not feel the unseen boundaries all around her? The veiled energies? An Outsider would not know! Because it wasn’t hers… Ishsa studied the girl who sat too near her Tree; she was a girl who shouldn’t have been there, a Human who shouldn’t have been able to even find it, hidden as it was. She appeared young and naïve, with a voice both high and soft. The Fae wasn’t fooled! The most innocent appearance often hid the most deadly opponent. Hadn’t Ishsa benefited from the very same notion? How many times had unsuspecting visitors been misled? A sly smile that the girl, turned as she was could not see, played across the Fae’s lips. It was a delightful Game! If the girl desired to dance in the flames of rivalry with her, Ishsa was willing. And they would discover together who mastered that Game better, though the Fae was convinced she already knew.

“A boyfriend…” Ishsa said distantly. “I have had them, yes,” she said after a time, “but they are such a disappointment. How quickly they become dull and tiresome! And in the end, it is as if they were never there and a fresh one need be found.” Faery obsessions and the hunger for amusement had mysteriously become intertwined and confused with love, often to the detriment of those she had ensnared with her tainted attentions.

“The Tree drew you here. I saw you looking,” it was an accusation. The girl couldn’t deny it! The girl had LIED! “This one is alive in ways the other trees are not. I feel it too.” A surge of jealously flared, Endride had drawn this Human here. To her Circle, to her sacred spot! Ishsa’s fingers grew so tight around the stick, her knuckles turned ever paler. Why would Endride subj—Oh! She knew! Suddenly without doubt the Fae knew! The Old Tree had brought her the Spring offering! With renewed interest, she looked upon the girl. She was perfect for such a task! Who was Ishsa to deny what Endride had provided? He wished the Wood to be sated as much as she! This girl was the sacrifice so that all might be well in the blossoming season.

The object of her attention stood. Ishsa did not fear her, though never would she trust her, and so she kept her wings glamoured and hidden from sight. The girl would learn soon enough whose domain she had intruded upon. “I think,” she said with a face that glowed with the pleasure of possibility, “I think, you are meant to be here. With me… don’t be afraid. I will show you the Wood; you will see it for its grandness! Dream beyond the skating rink and the zoo; this place is not for picnics. There is so much more...” Pale hands clapped excitedly for this boon, but the Fae’s voice lowered with an odd inflection, “You will learn what is important here.”

Her eyes smoldered with barely concealed passion; soon all the wrongs would be righted. This girl was the key! Her voice slid along the newly budding leaves, “Do you want to know? Do you desire to learn?” How she wanted the girl to agree, to choose this path! To show her willingness! Almost the Fae trembled. Slowly, Ishsa’s small hand reached out, dirty palm upwards, “All you need do is take it…”

[Mana Aizawa]

Mana was not quite sure what the girl meant by “the tree drew you here.”  But, she was old enough and had met enough people to understand how some people were spiritual while others were material.  The material ones had something solid and dependable about them (but at times they could be boring), while the spiritual ones, though sometimes a little wacky, were also often incredibly generous and sweet.  Mana had the feeling that this “new friend” was far more spiritual than earthly, and really not materialistic at all. 

 

 That was all “cool” with Mana.  So, Mana asked herself: “Was I really meant to be here?”  And most importantly, “learn what is important?”  Was that what this was about?

 

It made her think back to her education when she was reading the Color Purple by Alice Walker for a class, and when Celie was being educated by Shug on the “true” meaning of life. Was this insignificant girl some sort of Shug Avery?  Wouldn’t that be ever so exciting if Mana actually was meeting her fate now?  

 

Mana was thrilled.  It was really amazing to see how animated the young woman was.  She was the first person in NYC, a basically self-absorbed city, who had reached out to Mana. 

 

The young woman had queried, “Do you want to know?  Do you desire to learn?”  Oh, yes, Mana was thinking, I do. 

The extended hands were tiny. But so were Mana’s.  They were dirty.  That didn’t really bother Mana now—not since she had been spending so much time searching for food in dumpsters.  No, Mana was no longer as finicky as she had once been.

 

What the girl had said about boyfriends also seemed, now, somehow to make sense.  "Wow! It all seems to serendipitous," Mana thought.  And Mana was feeling like her trip to Central Park might be leading to some sort of epiphany. 

 

Mana had watched how the girl’s small hand had brushed over the small, brilliant green budding leaves and felt almost a spark of life coming from the touch.  The girl was so . . . something.  Magical? Eccentric? Well, something . . . Mana just had that feeling. 

 

There was one thing that Mana was worried about—the time.  How had it gone so fast?  The sun was already disappearing, and an early rising moon was already visible.  Mana knew that she should be racing out of the park as fast as possible, and getting back to some safe harbor before she found herself in some dangerous encounter.  But that worry seemed to melt away at the sight of the extended small hand from Mana’s “new friend.”  The extended hand seemed to open endless possibilities: the chance for new beginnings and the opening of new horizons! 

 

But the worry was not completely gone—it still smoldered below the surface causing a brief frown to appear on Mana’s face.  But, Mana, ever so impulsive, reached for that one very lovely, childish hand.  In reaching for it and finally touching it, Mana felt she was starting some new adventure.  

 

Mana felt a shiver of excitement at the thought—something that was a cross between the excitement of some exotic/erotic touch, and the warmth of a mother or older sister touching the hand of a cherished child or a sweet younger sister was what Mana felt. 

 

Mana continued to hold the girl's hand until she said what she felt was her truest heartfelt sentiment: "I am so happy that we have met. I really want to learn . . . learn everything.  Do you think you can teach me?"  Mana looked at the tree--"what a strange old tree," Mana thought.  

[Ishsa Nestra]

The girl took her hand! How difficult it was for Ishsa to rein in the squeal that threatened to burst out at this fortune. The silly Human had done it! It would be the first step upon the path of her undoing! The dark haired girl was eager; that much was clear and Ishsa would show her the Wood’s hidden needs, for the Fae was an obliging guardian.

“You belong here, dark-haired Flower. Ishsa will teach you that which is essential. Out in the City beyond the stone wall, that is behind you. This Wood… this place has called you for its own,” the words purred from Ishsa’s throat, to rumble with satisfaction. She was greatly pleased. But again the girl glanced upon the Tree as Ishsa watched with a predator’s grace; the significance of the moment was not lost upon the Fae. Did Endride talk to this Human? Ishsa imagined he did. Jealously flared and wormed its dark tendrils through her core. What did the Tree say, did he speak secrets? No one would usurp Ishsa’s place!

“Tell me what he says to you…” Ishsa urged with a whispered voice, compelling and rich. As if to discover a hidden prize, she leaned in to study the girl, deep eyes searching for the unknown thing that had sent her here and made her special. The Fae’s soft hand never loosened, or faltered in its grip of the Human’s. Pale hand enclosed pale hand; the Fae had claimed this girl and would keep her close, even as she wished the intruder gone. But it was not yet the time for sacrifice! A sign would show; when the stars were aligned Ishsa would know! Distrust, rage, excitement; too many emotions warred within the Fae, and the fingers of her free hand tapped impulsively upon the stick. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. The compulsion was there to strike the girl and end this now! But Ishsa had rashly promised to care for her for a time.

With a little tug, the Fae tried to encourage the girl to step further into the Circle where the newly made leaves filled out a colorful canopy above them. The gentlest of smiles appeared upon Ishsa’s face, “Here, come here…” she urged soothingly. “It is safe.” Within Endride’s shadow, Ishsa felt powerful and content and a Fae Song began to blossom within Ishsa’s mind. The Song was not planned; it simply appeared with impulsive need. Here within the Circle, the Fae’s magick was more powerful, and so her Song would be more compelling. Ishsa never let loose of the girl’s hand. The whole of her focus was upon the Human before her. The melody was intimate, only for this girl. It began as a humming, light and honeyed in sound to blossom, like the perfumed spring flowers in the growing dusk. Trust… Trust was the theme, enveloping and hypnotic.

[Mana Aizawa]

“You belong here, dark-haired Flower. Ishsa will teach you that which is essential. Out in the City beyond the stone wall, that is behind you. This Wood… this place has called you for its own,” Mana sort of liked the sound of that: "dark-haired flower."  She liked more the fact that her new friend intended to teach her things.  She was simply in a "liking" mood and for some unknown reason Mana felt light, almost so light she could fly above the ground like a fairy in a fairy tale.  

 

“Tell me what he says to you…”  Mana wrinkled her nose at that simply not understanding the pronoun 'he' and thinking that she had missed something.  So instead, Mana latched on to the "tell me" part of the question.  

 

Mana wondered, "Is it really possible to tell someone else what one feels?"  It was a line from Tolstoy, and one Mana had pondered often over the years.  Her years in LA, and Madame Benz's Tea House, working as a "working girl" had left her more cynical.   Back then, Mana had worked with so many other eccentric and complicated women--most of them, Mana had decided, were so much more interesting than she was.  But, Mana had been the quiet one--the one who did not share her own feelings (instead she had written her feelings in a diary--now long lost).  

 

Now, here she was feeling such exhilaration because Mana believed she could open up, expose her very soul to this person.  Yes, it really was going to be possible to tell someone what she feels.  

 

“Here, come here…” she urged soothingly. “It is safe.”  Mana definitely wanted to feel safe.  She breathed in the air of musty, decaying leaves--those not yet turned into mulch from last fall.  And despite the slightly moldy taste, it was actually a pretty good taste (or smell).  Mana let herself be tugged closer towards the weird tree--just a few small steps.  There was a very, very good feeling here.  Mana could feel her whole body go almost into deep relaxation mode.  It was strange--especially since it was the middle of Central Park at dusk--a time Mana would normally find frightening.  But with the girl's soothing touch on her skin, Mana felt herself sinking into almost a hypnotic state.   

 

Her own hands were so very small, but this new friend’s hands were almost equally small.  And having this girl hold Mana's hand made her feel so small--a girl again just as when her very own elder sister had held her hand in just the same way.  She had been SAFE back then, safe in the sanctuary of her father's mansion, safe with her elder sister watching over her, safe with men servants and walls to hide behind.  But now she was again feeling this first sensation of security and that was a first for her since arriving in NYC.  And it was good to have a friend--and not just a friend, but almost a "soul mate" because Mana just felt she was this girl's very mirror image. 

 

So, despite the lateness of the hour, and the setting sun, Mana felt nearly elated. 

 

Despite being so incredibly relaxed, Mana spoke with a bit more enthusiasm than she had used in speaking to anyone for a long while: “I can sense some sort of connection between the two of us.  Sometimes people simply can’t really communicate.” Again, Mana thought of that Tolstoy quote. 

 

“There isn’t enough in common for them to really understand each other.  But I think you can understand me.  You can understand what it is like to live in a world of big, tall, strong men, and even tall, strong women, while being yourself rather small and insignificant.  You probably know how that feels—how it feels to be not only looked upon as being weak physically, but how being weak physically seems to imply to others that we are weak mentally too.  How we are looked upon as being somehow childish, even in our mental processes just because we look small.”  Mana paused, looked at her new friend to see if her guesses were being confirmed.  Looked at her eyes to ascertain whether she was being understood—or if she was just rambling on and boring this new friend to death.  She couldn't really see into this person's eyes--"Strange," thought Mana to herself. So Mana kept on thinking about all she wanted to tell her new friend.  

 

Mana, like most very small females, had often wished she were much taller.  And when others (usually tall people) told her being small was a good thing, she never could figure out how to explain to them that she didn’t agree—she didn’t like having her head patted, or her hair ruffled, as though she were 10 years old, or having her ideas dismissed, simply because people couldn’t see she was an adult with adult ideas. She wanted to tell her new friend all this and more. 

 

Mana was then struck by this thought: “I don’t even know my new friend’s name.”  So, she decided to rectify that oversight.  “I am Mana, Mana Aizawa.  It is my great pleasure to make your acquaintance.”  Mana groaned at the last sentence because it made her sound like she was some diplomat from the 16^th century Spanish court.  Mana's dark eyes went from the ever so small-boned face of her friend to the tree.  "Why am I always drawn to this tree?" Mana wondered.  "It's just a tree."  

 

Nervously now, Mana glanced at the sky.  It was really getting dark--and getting dark so fast.  Mana felt her first pang of nervous anxiety.  But the touch on her hand was still there--still soothing, comforting.  

[Ishsa Nestra]

The girl wrinkled her nose! When Ishsa asked what words Endride had spoken, the girl wrinkled her nose. Inwardly Ishsa seethed. It was obvious she didn’t wish to tell! Who was this girl to deny her the Tree’s secrets? It was ridiculous, especially after the Fae had accepted her as sacrifice. Denial wouldn’t do! But one step, then two through leaves and lichen, she had taken the girl further into the Circle. It had been easy and with the Song, her companion had relaxed, the shifting had begun; already the girl’s gaze was softened, compliant. How many Songs had led to this one? How many Songs had Ishsa sung before? Many and many and many….

I can sense some sort of connection between the two of us. Sometimes people simply can’t really communicate.

The dark-haired Human wished for connection, even now, before her death. But – who did she speak of? Who did she feel the connection to, Endride or her? She refused to say! This girl tried to bewilder her; she spoke in riddles! Ishsa would have to be very vigilant with this one. With Song interrupted, the Fae listened closely and eagerly to the next words out of the Human’s mouth and held the gaze that looked so thoughtfully at her.

“I understand you,” Ishsa answered slowly, but it was with imprecise understanding that she understood. For though the Fae was small compared to many, she never felt herself less or lacking as this girl seemed to imply. “I am not insignificant! No one deems me weak! No matter their size!” Ishsa scoffed at the thought that any creature would think this thing. How could the Human believe otherwise? Displeasure grew before the Fae remembered the wiles of the cunning creature she dealt with. “No. No.” Slyly, Ishsa changed tactics and her voice softened once more to a soothing tone that smoldered as if imbued with firefly chimes. “No, little Flower, we are not small, but grand! I care not what others think. You would do well to follow, for your task is immense and incalculable by fools such as those.” As the Fae spoke, her free hand flitted about dramatically to give punctuation to each word and thought. Insecurities were unknown to Ishsa; they only annoyed her. “Now you have no need to fret upon those bigger or stronger. You are beyond them and safe.” The fluttering hand placed itself upon their joined fingers. The touch was neither hot nor cold but a balance of elements, calm and comforting. “The Wood has claimed you - you are under its protection… for as long as you live.”

“Mana,” she repeated the girl’s name, and drew the sound out slowly, like a sigh through the field on a humid summer day. “Mana Aizawa,” the inflection, so unique upon the Fae tongue infused the name with new meaning, with the balance of nature and water slowly flowing. Where the girl had politeness and manners, the Fae had none. Niceties had vanished quickly after the Resonance, for etiquette quickly became one more set of rules which she could no longer follow. “Ishsa, I am called,” and the Fae spoke the name proudly.

Mana’s deceitfully innocent gaze returned to the Tree once more and then to the darkened sky. That look she knew well, Humans were so predictable! They all thought the same - all were fearful in the dark Wood, all were wary of the creatures that resided there. As night descended, Ishsa’s hair and palest skin glowed gently, like a beacon offering safe passage. A hand came up to trace along the girl’s cheek, before her fingers and thumb lightly turned Mana’s chin to look at her and hear. The Song which had faltered, picked up and continued. Spoken words and song overlay one another in sweet melody, “The hour is not so late. Stay with me. Stay. Just for a time. I have that which you need. Safety - is here...” Ishsa offered the connection the girl so desired, in Song and in touch upon her hand and face. The notes flowed in Circle and in clearing to weave a tapestry made of greens and blues, leaves and dirt and tones so softly sung they might break the heart. The magick flowed, and a low vibration passed through the Fae’s throat and chest to nestle in her core. It was the sound of yes… and of promises soon to be filled.

The Song slowed, and a few lightly spun words became very clear, “Say you will stay with me Mana… stay for only a little longer...”

[Mana Aizawa]

Mana had two very conflicting thoughts: first, this girl didn’t talk like New Yorkers, in fact, she didn’t talk like modern people talked at all, and second, the girl talked like some sorcerer out of a Carlos Castanada book.  And though a wiser person might have been put on “alert” by even one of the above two observations, Mana, instead felt thrilled—intrigued (even rewarded).  In fact, she felt absolutely wonderful (Mana knew nothing about fae or their abilities which is probably strange since her LA boss, Madame Benz, was also fae). 

 

“The wood has claimed you—you are under its protection—for as long as you live.”  Wow! To Mana that was just SOOOO mystical, so Journey to Ixtlan.  Maybe this girl was the decedent of Teresa of Avila or something. 

 

And she had said, “I understand you.”  Those words were just so delicious—everything Mana had ever hoped for and more. 

 

Then, she had explained: “I am not insignificant! No one deems me weak! No matter their size!” and Mana had simply felt adoration and reverence for her.  In fact, Mana felt a deep well-spring of emotions flowing through her in a way that amazed her.  She felt the softness of the lichen and smelled the rich aroma of the mulch-rich soil in ways she had never noticed them before, and she even felt the imperial strength of the nearby tree—that marvelous tree. 

 

Mana wanted to kneel before this small girl and actually worship her.  Wow! Mana asked herself where all this outpouring of emotion was coming from.  And she cast a worried glance at the now dusk-dark sky and a worried thought fleeted through her mind: “I am in Central Park after dark.”

 

Still, Mana’s worried thoughts did not take root.  Instead, her body continued to be flooded with warm emotions of safety and spiritual contentment. And Mana didn’t even find that strange—she was in a state of near bliss.

 

Mana’s past year in NYC had not been easy for her.  But now Mana thought that maybe all the suffering would soon be at an end.  Would it?

 

She had thought of New Yorkers as cold and uncaring people.  They had usually looked at Mana and told her to pull herself up by her bootstraps.  “Yeah,” Mana would think, “If only I had bootstraps.”  Mana had discovered two points: 1) that most jobs in NYC now were gotten through faction connections. Those not in a faction were at the bottom of the food chain for jobs; and 2) those in charge of hiring had some mental bias against females who weighed less than 100 pounds and were under 5 feet tall.  Mana knew this to be true in her heart.  People just couldn’t quite accept that a really tiny female was an adult and capable of doing a good job--they labeled her a "just a kid". 

 

But now she was being told that size shouldn’t matter.  Or at least it didn’t to her new friend. What Mana sometimes forgot was that she had no skills, and that in fact, being so small made her unfit for most jobs that required muscle-power.  However, now Mana wondered, would she find a calling—with the help of this friend?

 

What was true was that Mana had not had a good year in NYC, and with all the coldness of New Yorkers, her inability to find gainful employment and her lack of social connections and faction connections had left her more frustrated than she had ever imagined.  Now, with a new friend, one nearly as small as herself, Mana let go.  She wanted someone to understand her, to understand all those frustrations she has been carrying around inside herself.  And now it seemed that in some inexplicable way (really, really inexplicable), this new friend was going to be her answer.

 

The above thought process took no time at all, and much of it was sub-conscious, so Mana wasn’t even aware of what she was feeling.  But again, Mana was aware of just how fast darkness was spreading through the park.  “Shouldn’t we go somewhere safer?” 

 

At the Water Conservancy people were already sparse, no lines to see the Hans Christian Anderson or Alice in Wonderland sculptures.  With so many people leaving the park, a sort of quiet hush was descending on it.  Even a few stray fireflies were already flashing their lights in the hopes of attracting one of the opposite sex.  Sex, that was something Mana hadn’t had in ages. 

 

“Ishsa,” she had said.  What an unusual name, Mana thought.  Then there was again that touch, light and gentle on Mana’s face until the fingertips traced down to her chin, and lifted Mana’s chin up. Mana felt the intense gaze upon her face, and Mana’s heart beat madly.  Mana again felt like a small child—but this time, there was no annoyance.  Instead, Mana felt something so pure and so thrilling she couldn’t put words to it.  Mana felt herself flush, felt a warm heat rise and permeate every cell in her body.  She felt at peace and happy—even blissful.  

 

“The hour is not so late.  Stay with me.  Stay. Just for a time.  I have that which you need. Safety—is here.”  Mana didn’t have to think—was almost incapable of thoughtful contemplation—and so she simply nodded, like an expectant schoolgirl.  She was feeling safer than she could ever remember feeling.  She felt so safe—so safe—and pleasant, too.   She almost felt like she was in a drugged state, but no—it was more like being in a womb-state.  And Ishsa's song was so incredibly enchanting.  

 

“Ishsa, that is such a beautiful name.  It is more than beautiful, it is the most beautiful name I have ever heard.  And this place, it is the most beautiful place I have ever been.  And this night is the most beautiful night ever,” and Mana couldn’t really explain why she was feeling all these feelings or saying all these words—not really Mana’s forte.  “Oh, wow, it is night.  Isn’t that interesting?”  But Mana didn’t feel scared at all.  She felt “safe.” 

 

“Please, please don’t stop touching my face.  Please?”  Mana felt her first tears roll down her face, but she didn't move a finger to wipe it away.  She was simply so happy. 

[Ishsa Nestra]

Bewitched by Song and entranced with Magik, Mana was a beauty to behold, pliable and perfect! Ishsa cooed as the dark pair of eyes regarded her with what could only be considered awe. Safety. Comfort. Contentment. These were things Humans desired, these were the things the Song offered - of course Mana would adore her! But it wasn’t enough and the Fae pressed further and headlong for more.

Shouldn’t we go somewhere safer?

The darkness had indeed grown, but Ishsa remained silent and would not answer, not yet. Her fingers stayed in place upon Mana’s chin, her other hand still encircled Mana’s hand. Without words, the Fae let the girl’s feelings flow unchecked, and the air settled in the quiet around them, heavy with meaning and consequence. Even the Fae Song had stopped in this poetic moment. Unseen and swirling forces danced in the Circle and the Fae reveled in it. Even as her Fae body was light, Ishsa’s presence was fierce for such a slight creature. Her energy frolicked, though she was at once both youthful and ancient as the trees, and the play of forces ever-changed, buffeted by the chaotic spirit of the Fae.

Mana flushed, but such displays mattered not to the Fae. All emotion could be entertaining; all emotion might be used for deception. Twice said now, the girl’s acceptance sealed her path ever further and made the hypnotism of the recent Song stronger. Tears rolled down her cheeks and Ishsa caressed the wet trail with a fingertip. Fascinated and pleased beyond thought, Mana’s reaction held as much import as cache of diamonds. Both sparkled grandly and ignited the same covetous feeling within the Fae heart. But a few tears were not enough! Ishsa wanted more.

Please don’t stop touching my face. Please?

Pleased, a gentle rumble vibrated Ishsa’s bones. They stood close but Ishsa’s body drew closer, her face inches from Mana’s. The scent of wild honeysuckle clung to the Fae, and her breath was sweet upon the girl’s cheek, fragrant and tantalizing. A little rhyme formed upon Ishsa’s lips, lowly sung and intimate.


"Linger not, Tarry not
How Wise you seem to be
Need professed, Desire caressed
More must be Dared
Adventure awaits, no safety constraints
Towards Mana’s Destiny."


As the verse ended, slowly Ishsa’s face drew away. It was a slow movement, designed to draw the girl nearer. Yet as she stepped back she tugged the Human girl after her. Gently at first, then with insistence followed by twinkling Fae laughter that encompassed the Circle and rose above the Tree limbs. And Ishsa pulled harder and moved more rapidly and began to run, dragging the girl behind her. “Come Mana, come!” she laughed, unfearful of the dark night. The sound was reminiscent of children playing with abandon. “Faster! You must move faster Mana! There is much to do!”

[Mana Aizawa]

Mana had so many feelings, and they were all so . . .  so . . . fleeting, and floating, and frolicking.  And there were scents--beautiful perfumes, and Ishsa's fragrance was so sweet--tantalizing in fact.  There were soft and gentle fingers caressing her face, over skin lubricated with salty tears.  And when the song ended, that hypnotizing song, it was followed by verse--not that Mana's mind was able to follow the meaning--still it seemed so lovely and even romantic to Mana.

 

But when Ishsa's touch left her face, Mana flashed a quick glance at Ishsa, as if to ask, "what's wrong? Is something wrong?" But Ishsa had just laughed and tugged her and even pulled her--so playful.  Mana was unable to even think normally, as though a fog occupied her brain.   “Come Mana, come! Faster! You must move faster Mana! There is much to do!”

 

Mana didn't even consider what "do" implied.  Mana was simply feeling so good--so very good.  In fact, Mana had decided her recent many-year quest to find a good guy to "hook up" with had been a bad decision.  Mana was having an epiphany—guys weren’t the answer (was Ishsa, then, the answer?).  And Mana hadn't ever really had one of those epiphany things before—a thing where one’s heart or god seemed to speak some revelation.    

 

So, Mana ran, ran like a free-spirit, ran like a fairy child dancing in the woods at night, and when she could run no more, she just said it straight out like this: "Ishsa, do you think you could love me?"  Normally, Mana would not have uttered such a question in a million, billion, trillion years.  But, that was then and this was now.  Mana had decided that Ishsa was so amazing that Mana wanted to devote herself to serving Ishsa--plain and simple.  And why not, Ishsa was worthy of all her adoration and a whole lot more.  

 

Mana moaned--not a moan of a sick person, but sort of an erotic one (a sensual moan), and reached out and lovingly stroked the tree's bark (for somehow Ishsa had led her all over, but not all over really, but closer and closer to the tree).  And Mana didn't even think she sounded "off."  Nor did she pay any attention to Ishsa's facial expressions.  She was enamored with the texture of the tree’s bark.

 

 

Mana recalled an old British folk melody, "The Trees They Do Grow Tall."  One verse went, "Father, dear father, you done me wrong.  You've married me to a boy who is too young.  I'm twice 12 and he is just 14.  He's young but he's daily growing."  Mana was thinking how lucky she was that her father had not married her to a young boy.  And 24 was pretty close to Mana’s present age.   Mana's hand was still being held by Ishsa.  She now trusted Ishsa so much--much as a young child trusts her mother.  Mana hardly remembered anymore where she was (in Central Park after dark which under normal circumstances would have scared Mana half to death).  

 

 

Mana's free hand was still touching the tree and she kept listening to Ishsa's breathing now (soaking in her very sweet fragrance too) and then she thought about Ishsa's song and noticed how much it was like Pentangle's songs--so earthy, so rich in arboreal sound. Mana was feeling weird and thinking weird things, like, "What is the tree saying to me?"  But at that moment, such thoughts didn't seem weird at all--not with Ishsa there.   

[Ishsa Nestra]

The Human could not keep pace; she tired too easily! They had scarcely danced and the hours left in the night were still plentiful. But already the girl slowed! Had she no fortitude? To stop was anathema to Ishsa. The stars were without fault and the Fae’s heart was aflame and eager. She--

“Ishsa do you think you could love me?”

The Fae’s spirit swayed in rhythm with the twinkling of night stars. With a slight turn of her head, Ishsa listened both closely and carefully. The interruption was uncalled for, but often the Song’s pull led to such displays of emotion. Easy movements slowed and in soft waves the Fae’s feet touched upon the ground. She understood the question. But the question was not truly a question, it was a plea. It was also a Hope, she thought. And the girl had asked without preamble and so the eager Fae wasted no time in answering.

“There is no one else I love more this night!” she sang with conviction, as if her feelings for the Human were common knowledge within the dark paths of the Park. The words were weighty with truth and husky with meaning - she did love this girl! But the love of a Fae was often a twisted and unfathomable thing. How Mana gazed upon her! Ishsa felt more than adored. Was this not her domain? And was she not a wise and knowing Fae within this little realm of oak and honeysuckle and greenery? Regally her chin lifted in response, and her arms lifted high to arc above her head to touch sacred leaves. Mana’s hand was lifted as well, though the brown-gold eyes never left her prize for long.

“You are the focus,” she let their arms fall gracefully, “like the Green that grows and little, pure sparrows. How do you not know?” The girl was simple, yet so very important. Even as Mana attempted to commune with her Tree! How she would be pleased to get rid of this trollop who wished to take her place! And steal her Wood! “You will never wish to leave… ” at the word never, her voice dipped into a lower octave.

 

Mana’s moan still occupied her mind; it had been a long and drawn out sound, intimate and enticing to the Fae. She lifted Mana’s hand to her own pale cheek, and then Ishsa’s cool lips caressed the back of the girl’s hand with a featherlike touch that vibrated the skin; a kiss that promised more. “Can you make it?” she inquired, hope within her voice. “Just a little further? It is not so far to go…” Ishsa coaxed as if concerned. “I will help you if you are tired. Let me lead you…” And Ishsa led her not upon the paths, but through the saplings and underbrush, over sticks and roots. Tonight was not a night for manmade things, or false lights. The Wood sat tensed and waiting, Ishsa could feel it, as the dark weighed the possibilities of what might transpire. Carefully the Fae led Mana, and for once she declined to notice the cast-off trash and broken beer bottles with their decaying labels that littered the hollows and brambles they passed through. The two slight creatures were unseen by any but the darkest eyes as they progressed northwards towards the Castle named Belvedere. And as they traveled, Ishsa helped the girl where needed and sang softly encouragement if she faltered or grew tired.
 

[Mana Aizawa]

“There is no one else I love more this night!” 

 

It was strange how Ishsa didn't answer like a normal person would, but sang her answers.  To onlookers, it might have appeared as though Mana were drugged, for she seemingly beamed at Ishsa as she sang, danced, pranced, skipped, hopped and frolicked about.  And the answer was strange in another way: "this night".  What did Ishsa mean by that?  

 

You are the focus,” Ishsa said and then, “like the Green that grows and little, pure sparrows. How do you not know?”  

 

"There is so much I don't know, and remember, you told me that you had much to teach me.  Oh, I so want to be with you, and to learn everything from you."  

 

At that moment, A great horned owl hooted.  It was somewhere near the "humming tombstone" in Central Park, though Mana didn't know that.  Mana didn't know it was a great horned owl either, but she did peg the hoot for that of an owl.  Mana would have found the great horned owl magnificent, stunning, and even beautiful if her eyes were those that could see in the dark—they weren’t.  However, Mana would not have found the great horned owl to be so magnificent if Mana were a mouse, and in some ways, Mana feared she was very much like a mouse.  

 

Mana looked at Ishsa, as the magnificent great horned owl, somewhere in the park, swooped down on its prey—was that symbolic in some way?  Mana had listened carefully to all that Ishsa had said to her, and she thought about telling Ishsa that she was beautiful, as beautiful as a great horned owl, but instead she just beamed and her face showed a brightness, a flush of one enamored with another, for Mana was simply beaming with joy (despite her fatigue).  And her fatigue came from following her all over the park as she frolicked.  

 

Mana did not question Ishsa as she made mad dashes and funny dances through bramble and brush.  She simply did her best to follow, completely trusting Ishsa. 

 

“Can you make it?”  

 

Mana nodded, though she was really winded.  Another great horned owl hooted, perching in a huge pin oak near the humming tombstone.  It was getting ready swoop down on a vulnerable mouse.  The great horned owl didn't quite notice that this particular mouse was actually quite "cute."  It only saw a nice snack for what could an owl do but be true to its nature?   “Just a little further? It is not so far to go…” Ishsa said.. “I will help you if you are tired. Let me lead you…”

 

So, Mana followed and let Ishsa help her. 

 

In the distance Mana saw what looked like a castle.  It was stunningly beautiful.  But Mana was so short of breath.  It seemed like she had traversed a whole province, but in fact, since entering the park, Mana had only gone about 2 kilometers.  Ishsa was amazing, no heavy panting, no gasping for breath.  When Mana couldn’t keep up, Ishsa helped her along.  When Mana was in danger of falling, Ishsa caught her.  When Mana fell behind, Ishsa came back and encouraged her along.  When Mana bumped into things, Ishsa soothed her hurts.  To Mana, Ishsa was magical.  To Mana, Ishsa was amazing, astounding.  "It's beautiful.  Is it where you live?"  Mana, then turned and with sweat glistening on her facial skin, with her hands also damp with perspiration, Mana felt Ishsa's lips kiss her hand and when the kiss was finished, she fell into Ishsa and wrapped her arms about her in a loving embrace and whispered into Ishsa's ear, "It is like a fairy tale."  But once again Ishsa was off running and prancing, the castle the likely destination.  

[Ishsa Nestra]

The girl leaned against her, soft and small. In Ishsa’s mind they were joined now, connected. Near to the same height, Mama’s dark hair was a stark contrast to her white. The smell of perspiration was like a subtle perfume in the air and the Fae inhaled it deeply. A sheen covered Mana’s skin; the girl was weary from prolonged activity, though Ishsa was not. Lights from Belvedere Castle washed over the grass where they stood and in the darkness, the structure appeared to rear up above them, massive and heavy. The area felt timeless and wondrously lit high and low, with colorful lighting.

It is like a fairy tale.

“Are not those the best tales of all?” Ishsa remembered such stories... In her mind, they were not the animated movies shown on large screens, but instead old and dark, grim and violent. The Brother’s Grim - those were Fae stories, which of the two Mana believed in mattered not to the Fae. Turning in the girl’s arms, Ishsa’s woodland eyes bored into her companion’s with a hint of smile, “And… you are the princess. But! You need a crown!” With laughter, the Fae pranced away, quickly into shadow, where she could be heard tenderly singing a little song of unknown origin. After a time, she returned, arms full of flowers of many kinds. With a swish of the makeshift bouquet, Ishsa bowed low before the girl as if in honor.

“No! No! This is not my home. It is too solid, too confining... and serious. We have had enough of that.” She assumed the girl agreed. “It is cold and hard - a warriors place. But none live there now; this place is simply for the idle to visit and gawk. It is nobler in simple moonlight. You and I, we belong out here, unconfined and free.” For Ishsa, to be inside that hard, sterile place was likened to being smothered.

“You are with me,” Ishsa told the girl as if that solved and explained everything. “And learn you will, as you are able. Listen, I will tell you.” She would not sit upon the man-made steps, not this night. She instead kneeled upon the comforting grass and spread out the flowers upon the ground around her. “These are for you, they gave up life, and you must know their names.” With a lifting of her head, the Fae gave Mana a quick glance to see if she understood. Lifting one flower with furious white petals, she said solemnly, “This is the Arrow-wood, and this pink petaled one, the Quince.” With reverence Ishsa set them both down in front of her, before she picked up the next. “These two are the three-petaled Trillium, Solomon’s Seal, with heavy bell flowers,” both were white and very pretty. “And this yellow is happy Merry Bells and this… the blue Violet.” Her pale hand hovered over them all, fanned out before her knees, barely touching. The light of the Castle caught their stems and sent a subtle glow to warm them. “They have much to tell. Do they cry for their short lives? No! They shine, face toward the sun in what time they have. And when purpose is met, they do not frown.” Her fingers grazed the leaves, and then caressed one pink flowered petal. An angelic smile crossed her features and her eyes closed to slits, deep in communion as she murmured softly to each one, in the softest whisper, too low for human ears to hear.

“Come. Sit near.” The Fae spoke, “And Ishsa will weave you a fine crown…”
 

[Mana Aizawa]

April 18th

 

“Are not those the best tales of all?”

 

Mana nodded her head “yes”, though to be frank, Mana didn’t really know which fairy tales Ishsa was speaking of—but the castle looked almost like the Walt Disney castles Mana was familiar with. 

 

 

Mana felt suddenly a heaviness that sometimes comes to one who has been exercising and then stops, as though the muscles then send little messages to the brain, “this is nice, just relax right here and rest.”  Mana continued to be deeply under the fae’s seductive influence and glamour.

 

 

“And… you are the princess. But! You need a crown!”

 

Mana didn’t think she needed a crown and she guessed a crown could be really uncomfortable?  But Ishsa was still so full of energy that Mana let her prance about and sing strange songs while Mana rested.  Mana glanced at the sky and saw the stars.  They seemed so far away.  Mana shivered.  Now that she wasn’t running, trying to keep up with Ishsa, Mana noticed that the temperature was falling fast.

 

 

It wasn’t freezing cold yet but Mana didn’t have a jacket, and she was now thinking she would need one.  Still, the fae’s song and the break from prancing about left Mana happily relaxed.  Ishsa seemed so amazing—utterly amazing. And Ishsa now was talking up a storm.   

 

“No! No! This is not my home. It is too solid, too confining... and serious. We have had enough of that.” She assumed the girl agreed. “It is cold and hard - a warriors place. But none live there now; this place is simply for the idle to visit and gawk. It is nobler in simple moonlight. You and I, we belong out here, unconfined and free.”

 

Mana looked up and gazed upon Belvedere Castle and thought it really did look ever so lovely (Ishsa would have been disappointed that Mana didn't really understand the gist of her points about castles and buildings in general).  Mana, the reader that she was, had this impression from reading novels: castles would not be comfortable inside—not a warm place to live in.  And then there would also be a dungeon.  Once or twice in Mana’s life she had tried to imagine just how painful those Dark Age implements of torture would be--would feel.  The thought made her shudder. 

 

 

When Ishsa said that “we belong out here, unconfined and free,” Mana looked again at Ishsa and felt the slightest trepidation.  Mana really didn’t know much about nature and doubted she belonged in it.  But since Ishsa was singing and the song was lulling Mana into some sort of hypnotic state, Mana didn’t explain her anxiety regarding nature and open spaces. 

 

“You are with me, [a]nd learn you will, as you are able. Listen, I will tell you.”

 

Mana nodded again.  Yes, she thought, the glamour still holding Mana firmly in its grip, I want to learn.  But she was also feeling thirst and a chill, and wondered if there was a water bubbler anywhere near.  But since Ishsa seemed so intense, so committed to teaching Mana, Mana said nothing.  She had been commanded to “listen” and so her eyes turned from the castle and rested upon Ishsa, to where Ishsa was spreading a “banquet” of flowers—all seemingly wild.  The lights from the castle and from the moon seemed to be sufficient so that Mana was deeply touched by their beauty.  She felt that nothing in this world were more beautiful than flowers and that all of man’s technology had yet to create anything that could match the natural colors and innate beauty of the flowers Mana now gazed upon.   Somewhere deep inside Mana, she felt that old tree's image rise and almost call to her.  She doubted she could even find that tree again in this big park.  

 

“These are for you, they gave up life, and you must know their names.” With a lifting of her head, the Fae gave Mana a quick glance to see if she understood. Lifting one flower with furious white petals, she said solemnly, “This is the Arrow-wood, and this pink petaled one, the Quince.”

 

Mana, the sweet girl she was, didn't like killing things--not even fish.  She wasn't one for cutting flowers for Mana had always felt that even flowers deserved their lives.  Still, Mana could smell the heavenly fragrance of the flowers and wanted to lightly caress the silky texture—but she didn’t for fear of harming them.  As Ishsa said their names, Mana mouthed the names and tried hard to imprint them in her memory.

 

“These two are the three-petaled Trillium, Solomon’s Seal, with heavy bell flowers,” both were white and very pretty. “And this yellow is happy Merry Bells and this… the blue Violet.”

 

Mana thought the Trillium so lovely, so large and so white.  But then she also thought about how the traditional Japanese color of death and mourning is white.  White isn’t really all that beautiful when one remembers that.    

 

“And this yellow is happy Merry Bells and this… the blue Violet.”

 

Mana repeated silently, “Merry Bells”, “Violet”. 

 

“They have much to tell. Do they cry for their short lives? No! They shine, face toward the sun in what time they have. And when purpose is met, they do not frown.”

 

Mana frowned.  Was it the very white Trillium and those thoughts of grief and bereavement or Ishsa’s gloomy words about the shortness of life that made Mana frown?  Mana felt again some vague trepidation.  But she cast all those thoughts aside.  

 

“Come. Sit near.” The Fae spoke, “And Ishsa will weave you a fine crown…”

 

Mana didn’t even rise.  She crawled on all fours to be nearer to Ishsa, curling into a small ball and resting her head on Ishsa’s left thigh—feeling both the excitement of being close to Ishsa and the warmth of her body heat. 

 

 

Mana was going over in her head the beautiful names of the flowers—names almost as beautiful as the flowers themselves.  Then, Mana spoke very quietly, almost too quietly to be heard, “I don’t think I am suited for a crown.  I sort of see myself as a maid in waiting, not as a princess.  Why do you think I am a princess?” 

 

With her head on Ishsa’s leg, snuggling as close as she dared get, she shut her eyes and felt great peace.  But just then she heard the sound of footsteps—rhythmic pounding.  She opened her eyes but didn’t lift her head—she was too comfortable.  A man in a jogging getup stopped (but he kept running in place).  Mana’s mind seemed so much in a fog that she wasn’t sure he spoke or that she imagined he spoke.  But this is what Mana heard (or thought she heard): “It’s okay if you two lesbians want to do this in the park.  I’m a New Yorker so nothing shocks me.  But you should know that there have been several young ladies mugged in this part of the park during the last month.”  He nodded a polite “goodbye” and then legs pumping, he disappeared. 

 

 

Mana waited for Ishsa to respond.  But something else was happening.  The fog was lifting from Mana’s brain.  Maybe it was the cooling temperatures or maybe it was the man’s interruption or maybe it was a combination of the two, but Mana seemed to becoming more aware of where she was and what she was doing—the glamour was no longer holding her so strongly. 
 

[Ishsa Nestra]

Ishsa’s breath drew in and then exhaled with a calmness that belied the Fae’s fervent anticipation. Mana had crawled to her; the Fae did not question why. She did not care; perhaps the girl was simply tired. But a feeling of superiority washed over the woodland creature, buoyed her pride and nourished her already grand sense of self. Reaching along the grass, she pulled Mana closer. “You are ustala (tired)… rest upon my lap. Let Ishsa find you comfort.” But even as she offered rest; the Fae already knew this respite would not last long. If Mana remained weary it would make what was to transpire less complicated.

“Why do you think I am a princess?”

“Why do you doubt me?” Ishsa answered the quietly said words, “Did I not pick you over all others? Did not the Tree lead you to me?” Indolently her fingers played with strands of dark hair that spilled against her thighs. “Hidden within you are immensity and purpose – beautiful things! Yet you cannot discover truth, for inhibitions limit you. How could you have known?” The serene face looked down and smiled benevolently, “It is only now that you come into your own. Ishsa will unfetter your freedoms.”

But-- Interruption! A man in dreadful clothes! He butted in where he did not belong, and he interfered with Ishsa’s efforts. As if she might need warning from a jogger! The Fae’s eyes grew fierce as her head turned to watch him and her hands protectively held onto Mana more tightly. In the back of Ishsa’s throat, a velvety, agitated growl gathered. Magick grew and swirled, the soft caress of energies that were always near gathered together as the Fae urged them to amass and fall upon the intruder. That man deserved no answer! Instead the Fae whispered to Mana encouragingly, “Do not let him upset you, my little one… he is lost. Lost! He cannot find his way.” And it appeared that the Fae was correct, for as the man left them, he looked around as if disoriented and suddenly uncertain of his surroundings. Ishsa’s voice never rose; only she watched silently cruel, as he swayed and his face contorted with fear beneath the weight of Fae Misdirection. To Mana she said, “That one is not to be trusted… he cannot understand. He is jealous of my affections for you.”

With inhuman gentleness, Ishsa’s fingers touched lightly upon Mana’s head and rested there. To the Fae, energies were palpable and shareable things. The warmth of her hands danced and teased upon skin and skull and carefully her fingers parted the black hair to comb through long tresses. With a pull, the soft knots, caused by the run through the Wood, loosened. With each new knot discovered, the Fae cooed, “Shhh now, you must let go. Ishsa will fix…” But to whom she spoke, to the knots or to Mana, was unknown. Already Ishsa had noted the girl’s trembling and her unease, but it was too late for doubts; the girl had already agreed to her Fate! Soothing and comforting her fingers continued and when they brushed against Mana’s arm, the Fae felt the cold skin there. “Ah! You are cold, little jewel! Soon, soon you will be warmed, do not fret. Your needs will be met - but first the crown. The flowers await!”

Reverently the Fae picked up the Solomon’s Seal and brushed it against the girl’s cheek, before she drew it away to weave the stem through the unadorned, black strands. With each flower in turn, she did the same, before entwining that flower with the last upon Mana’s head. As she wove, she hummed a pleasing melody about Love and Passivity, soft and tender as the petals within her hands. The Song was also woven into the comely crown; each built and entwined upon the other... if Mana would but accept it. The heady air clung to the two young women with delicate insistence, and the crown progressed into a beautiful chain, encircled with flowers, white and yellow and blue. When it was finished, Ishsa sat silent and listened to the night. The owl returned to hoot a good evening hello as it passed, and then all was quiet once more. Only the faintest whoosh of cars and an occasional far-off siren from the East could be heard.

After a time she spoke, “The Flowers approve. So pretty they sit in your hair.” Her hands played along Mana’s shoulder then gently turned the girl’s face to look up into her own, reflecting the dim, colorful lights of the Castle. “But you will wish to see for yourself? Yes, I will show you. The Castle Lake is there, so near.” She pointed and a shadow crossed her face. “And you must have thirst...” Gently she removed Mana’s head from her lap.
 

[Mana Aizawa]

There was a moment, a passing moment, a fleeting moment when Mana actually faced having to make a choice: 1) heed the warnings of the man, the jogger, or 2) let Ishsa have her heart, even her soul--totally give it to her. 

 

Mana quickly pondered these choices, but as she did so, she could smell some forest smells: the fragrances from Ishsa’s flowers, the musky woods, the rich earthy smells of decaying leaves from last fall and more.  Her senses were all sending messages.  Mana could hear Ishsa’s voice, maybe the most alluring voice Mana had ever heard. Mana could feel Ishsa’s hands plying and fleetingly soft on her hair and skin. Mana’s senses were alive. 

 

Being close to Ishsa, the cold of the night also seemed to have dissipated.  Mana was still cold but not unbearably cold. 

 

The night, still had its fair share of scary sounds, but Mana had never felt safer—pressed against Ishsa, feeling the lightest touches ever. 

 

The choice ceased to be a choice.  Mana belonged to Ishsa and Mana knew it.  She hadn’t been able to make a friend since arriving in NYC.  Now she had a friend.  Mana had failed at love her whole life.  Now Mana felt she had someone she could really love. 

 

Ishsa’s words were strange—sometimes confusing.  And every once in a while, some deep recess in Mana’s mind warned her that no normal person said the things that Ishsa said—that there was something wrong here.  But Mana was too content at the moment to pay heed to those deeper thoughts. 

 

“That one is not to be trusted… he cannot understand. He is jealous of my affections for you.” Mana was so happy to hear that Ishsa had “affections” for her.  When was the last time anyone had had affections for her? 

 

 “Shhh now, you must let go.  Ishsa will fix . . .”  Mana was again falling deeply under some magical spell as Ishsa touched, sang, and hypnotized Mana. 

 

Mana felt the soft, fragile yet waxy feel of flower petals brushed against her facial skin.  It was truly exotic and mixed with the gentle flower-fragrances from Ishsa's collection.  It was something beyond anything Mana had ever imagined before.  She gave herself to the moment.  Much of the time Mana had her eyes closed.  Occasionally she would open them and in the moonlight she would see lovely flowers—blues, and whites and pinks.  She would then again close her eyes, feel the joy of being close to someone who had “affection” for her, and feel, more importantly, the warmth, the body heat, the comfort that was pouring from Ishsa into Mana. 

 

Each moment was peace.  Mana had never imagined such peace before.  

 

“The flowers approve. So pretty they sit in your hair.”

 

 

The moment was passing because Ishsa had said they must go—go to the lake.  Mana opened her eyes, smiled the most innocent smile that Ishsa had probably ever seen in a human, and let herself be led to this lake.  It was April 18th and Mana thought, "who knew, maybe it as already April 19th" and she didn't care.  She was now curious as to how she would look with flowers woven into her hair.  This was like a fairy tale.  

 

 “And you must have thirst...” Mana had forgotten her thirst, but now mentioned, it was there.  Mana looked forward to some water, maybe a beverage.  She smiled at Ishsa--again, had Ishsa ever before seen a sweeter, more innocent smile?  Only Ishsa could answer that question.  So, the small and skinny Mana was ready to let herself be led forward.  

[Ishsa Nestra]

Ishsa could not know the workings of Mana’s mind or the troubles that flowed there. The Fae did not give thought to the alternatives the human girl had to face - or how taxing such a choice might prove to be. Choices were unfortunate things! Why should they even come into play? Choices caused issues and issues made Ishsa maddened. It was for this reason the Fae Sang, to sooth the unruly victim. Otherwise playmates were contrary things, and they argued too swiftly. No! Disagreement to her wishes would not be abided. As before though, Mana did not argue. The Fae had chosen well! The girl just smiled; she must have recognized it was time - the Lake called; even this Human girl felt the pull, for she appeared to want to go, innocent and accepting. All was ready in the glow of Castle light and the flowers burned bright, indulgent and unsullied, where they crowned dark hair. With barely contained satisfaction, Ishsa fawned over the girl, petted her arms and her hair with the lightest of touches. “You are osobyy (special). Do not forget this.” She whispered into the night, into Mana’s ear with soothing tones.

To travel around the Castle and the Delacorte Theatre to locate a dark and suitable bank would be too strenuous for the girl and it would take too long. Such lengthy endeavors would sully their time! They need be at the water soon… Impatient, the Fae was not to be distracted in this one thought. The bank! Quickly she led the girl around to the back of the Castle and pushed through an old and compromised chain-link fence. It was rusted and its gate was loosened, so easy for two slim girls to wiggle between posts. Once through, large, stony boulders led downward to the water. The castle was set upon this very stone foundation.

“The climb is short and humble,” for the Fae the descent was but a simple thing, perhaps not so for a Human. How she wished to rush and leap wholeheartedly upon the rocks and dive into the cold crisp water “Step in my footfalls, follow – follow! You will be pleased!” She urged. There was no other way! After a few step, the air was cooler and suddenly darker, more mysterious. Multicolored graffiti littered the rocks, but in the night all looked vaguely gray. Weeds grew between boulders and wayward grasses tickled their ankles and shins. Immediately below the Castle, the sounds of the City quieted and wild darkness took its place. There were only the stones, solitude and the water below. Ishsa led slowly, though she easily could have scrambled down alone. With both hands in offering, as to serve the girl with all her heart, the Fae turned to her and gazed upon her brightly and reassuringly in the moonlight, as if their activity was the most normal thing within the World. But Ishsa’s eyes also reflected something akin to desire.
 

[Mana Aizawa]

Sometime after midnight on April 19th in Central Park  

 

 

“You are osobyy (special). Do not forget this.”  Mana thought such vocabulary was something straight out of a magical Haruki Murakami novel.  Murakami wrote: "Whatever it is you are seeking won't come in the form you expect."  Oh, Mana was thinking, was he ever so right.  And he also wrote: " Life is not like water.  Things in life don't necessarily flow over the shortest route."  Mana was thinking about Ishsa a lot.  She was thinking that maybe this would be a life altering experience.  Maybe, Mana let herself hope, she would actually meet some great guy now (finally, at last), a man who would love her just as she was, flaws and all.  Maybe, Mana continued to dream, she would get pregnant (her belly would stick out so far she wouldn't be able to see her toes).  Mana giggled at that thought.  She would have a baby, and her wonderful guy would volunteer to change the diapers while he smiled lovingly at Mana. Mana had to stop her dreaming--dreaming that seemingly followed so easily with Ishsa's singing--and pay attention to where they were climbing.    

 

“The climb is short and humble,”  Again, it was Haruki Murakami who came to mind, and Mana just wondered how Ishsa saw the climb as "humble."  Oh, she really loved Ishsa.  She felt again ever so safe with her, ever so comfortable.  Those light touches both comforted and excited Mana.  Not overly excited her, but she felt them, felt a tingle and felt her heart flutter.  She knew she would be willing to do anything for Ishsa, as long as Ishsa was singing--anything.  

 

“Step in my footfalls, follow – follow! You will be pleased!”  Mana barely noticed the castle now, she was ever so intent on following Ishsa.  Mana was pleased.  Mana and Ishsa had seemed to have reached their destination.  Mana couldn't fathom why they were there, but she felt a childish joy at having gotten to some illicit place without being caught.  They were ever so naughty--Mana and Ishsa.  Or so Mana felt.  

 

There was something so reassuring now as Ishsa gazed at her.  "Have we reached our destination?  Can I tell you a secret|?"  Mana's face beamed brightly, partially from the exertion and partially from simply being with Ishsa.  What type of person was Ishsa?  She was always singing.  If Mana were later asked to describe Ishsa to the police, what would she say.  She might say she was pure innocence, frolicsome, with the whitest hair and the most beautiful eyes any person ever had.  She might add that she always seemed to be humming or singing, and that she was as light on her feet as a fairy dancing in the wood at night.  

[Ishsa Nestra]

The water was dark and placid, but for the multi-hued light of pink, yellow and rose which played upon it from the castle above. Reflections eerily danced across the expanse of the Lake and rebounded off the seating of the Theatre. Gently, the Lake’s liquid lapped near their feet on the small shore. Overgrown brush surrounded them on all sides; there was little bank to stand upon, only a few feet of the gravelly pebbles were dry. Ishsa stood just in the water and coolness caressed her ankles with a watery hello. They were alone; no others could be seen from their secluded spot. In the moonlight, the Fae’s dress shimmered ghostlike. The world was soft and slumbering.

There was much to do. It was time!

But— Secrets! They needed to go! Mana must be in the water, but for a secret the Fae hesitated. Nothing else would stay Ishsa’s hand so quickly. Secrets! [ishsa] Tell me this secret![/ishsa] Mana’s face glowed, with the pinkness of prolonged exertion. [ishsa]I want to know your heart and the hidden things that lie within it. Lift your voice. Tell me! Only then might we continue…,[/ishsa] Ishsa coaxed, the tone smooth and heady with need.

[ishsa]Hurry! Tell me for almost we are there. You will be so happy. It is magnificent, yes?[/ishsa] Upon Ishsa’s face was an expression of concern as she studied the girl again. Her hand waved upon the air, in currents only a Fae might notice. The gentle hum was upon her lips once more and Mana’s dress appeared to change. Where she had once worn battered jeans and old jacket, a beautiful white dress had taken its place, thin and fine of weave. Lace and ribbons adorned the bodice and its sleeves were long and billowy, almost to the ground. The Fae spoke not of Glamour or this change, but she was pleased and a delicious smile appeared upon rosy lips.

[ishsa]Shall I take your shoes? This is not a place for such things. I promise to return them…[/ishsa] And she knelt at the edge of water, upon the pebbles, to remove Mana’s old tennis shoes as if they were the finest jeweled slippers. Her dress fanned out in small waves as the bottom portion became saturated and the fabric floated and lifted with the gentle current.

 

[Mana Aizawa]

 ❥ " Tell me this secret!" ❥ "I want to know your heart and the hidden things that lie within it. Lift your voice. Tell me! Only then might we continue…," ❥ "Hurry! Tell me for almost we are there. You will be so happy. It is magnificent, yes?"

 

Secrets!  Mana now wondered why she had mentioned secrets.  Her brain wasn’t functioning.  She didn’t have a clue for why her brain was so slow.  She didn't even guess that the reason was Ishsa and her magical singing.  So, sort of idiotically, Mana turned to Ishsa and she didn't even think twice about just what she was doing--or why.  Mana simply found herself being obedient.  It came naturally.  

 

Each time Ishsa had stopped humming or singing though, a tiny bit of trepidation entered Mana’s being.  But then Ishsa would resume singing and Mana would feel like a 1950’s housewife on Valium, she sort of felt ever so content. 

 

So, Mana was feeling this silly, contentedness when she stated emphatically as though she knew some deep, dark truth: “I know who you are.”

 

Now, Mana was feeling like a 4-year-old.  In fact, she had said things like that to her elder sister when she was 4.  But heavens, she hadn’t made up silliness like that since then.  So, Mana blushed bright red and turned her head in a coy way to show just how embarrassed she was feeling.  However, Ishsa seemed not to even notice her blush--it was after all nighttime.    

 

❥ "Shall I take your shoes? This is not a place for such things. I promise to return them…"  

 

 

Mana was hardly aware of just how intense Ishsa was.  Mana also wasn't really paying attention anymore to Ishsa’s very strange way of formulating sentences.  For example, who today said "Shall"?  Still, it sort of made Mana feel like she were in a fairy tale, or Anne of Green Gables.  Mana, being ever so obedient let Ishsa take off her ratty, worn out sneakers.  Her small, bare feet felt the cold, squishy lakeside mud that made up part of the shoreline (where there were no pebbles) on the soles of her feet and between her toes.  It actually felt sort of good.  

 

Mana looked over at lake and then back toward Ishsa.  Mana then looked down at the lake in the moonlight and blinked and rubbed her eyes and tried to remember if she had always been wearing such a lovely dress.  She vaguely remembered jeans and a jacket--still the melody from Ishsa was intoxicating and Mana felt the woodland enter her being and she felt almost as though she were part of this gorgeous locale, one cell of a body, one unit of a whole.  Mana could not ever remember having such feelings before.  It was almost like being one with the universe.  But a lovely white dress?  

 

However, it was still so cold out and Mana felt a shiver pass through her body and her arms hugged herself even as her fingers felt her goosebumpy skin.  So, shivering on the lakeside, Mana forgot to ask Ishsa about the lovely white dress.  She also forgot the touch of that huge old tree where she had first met Ishsa.

 

 She wondered just what if felt like when a guru finally reached enlightenment.  And then Mana though, "It is so nice of Ishsa to promise to return her shoes."   Mana then laughed because her shoes were worn so badly that they were a total embarrassment.   She would have to get a job, really, really get a job and buy some new shoes from St. Vincent's Second-hand Shop.     

 

Mana felt just like a princess.  She again looked at her reflection in the water and she felt as though the reflection was one that summed up everything Mana had ever wanted to be in her life.  She couldn't believe what she was seeing or the feelings she was having.  

[Ishsa Nestra]

The tell-tale signs were there, every nuance and lovely facet of her Song was reflected in Mana’s expression and stance. Woven distraction enfolded the girl and she followed Ishsa’s wishes well. Not once did the girl argue, not once had she complained. Such a perfect companion!

“I know who you are.”

Ishsa’s eyes sharply turned to Mana’s dark ones, as if by one glance, illumination might be shed upon the mystery of Mana’s knowing. Ishsa was not afraid of being seen, she was only surprised that the Human had figured her out so soon. [ishsa]You know this?[/ishsa] The Fae asked with eyebrows lifted in question. The girl sounded certain and beyond doubt, until her head turned away. If she knew, Ishsa wondered, why might she not look at her with pride? Possibly to hide the knowing smirk of a deceitful plan…? The Fae reminded herself, this girl was a coy one and sneaky. Ishsa had seen it with her own eyes already! She would do well not to trust such a koketka (minx)! [ishsa]Name me.[/ishsa] She dared the girl, with a challenging grin. Mana’s Secret had become a Game and the Fae loved Games - especially those that centered around herself, for she was self-centered and a proud creature. [ishsa]Tell me… who is Ishsa? Who is this? [/ishsa] She tapped a quick finger upon her own chest.

As she waited for Mana to reveal more Secrets, her fingers carefully worked to untie the dirty knots in her shoelaces. With a hand upon a thin ankle, she slid each shoe loose in turn. Deliberately she worked, so as not to cause any hurt or harm. When both shoes had been freed, Ishsa tied the loose ends of the laces together tightly to connect the shoes which Ishsa then indolently draped over a shoulder, where they fell to settle forgotten.

Standing, the two appeared as twins, if only for their opposite of color of hair, dark against light. [ishsa]I wish you forever to stay with me. [/ishsa] The words were magical and floated upon melody as water swirled about their ankles and the light green algae hugged the edge of the bank. In the white folds of Glamoured cloth, Mana was beautiful as she stood with pale Ishsa at her side, who looked out across the water. The glow from the Castle lit upon Ishsa’s face as she gazed there, pleased beyond measure. The Fae circled an arm around Mana, and drew her nearer, hip to hip. She felt goosebumps upon the girl’s skin. [ishsa]It is not so cold, we will warm you soon. Soon enough you will feel warmth again. It is not so cold really…[/ishsa]

With cruel determination, the Fae stepped forward, and drew the girl with her. [ishsa]Out here, by the pink light, you can view your crown without hindrance.[/ishsa] Ishsa excited once more, beamed happily as she pointed with the hand not wrapped around the girl. [ishsa]You must see,[/ishsa] she laughed as the water parted before them and gently lapped upon knees and thighs, then it rose, almost to their waists as they went further. Ishsa’s dress swirled about her, and lifted in the gentle current about her legs. Mana’s old clothes beneath the Glamour were heavier with wetness and the press of water and the Glamored dress did not move in the water.

[ishsa]First, I promised you a drink…[/ishsa] Delicately Ishsa’s hands clasped together to make a makeshift cup which she held to Mana’s lips. [ishsa]Drink. Drink…[/ishsa] and the Fae watched to see that she did.
 

[Mana Aizawa]

April 19th, sometime after midnight in Central Park

 

❥ "You know this?"  ❥ "Name me." ❥ "Tell me… who is Ishsa? Who is this? "

 

It was April, and April always reminded Mana of fools.  Mana considered herself to be one of the world’s biggest fools.  She had submissively and obediently acquiesced to her father’s paternalistic and demanding parenting methods.  On the other hand, her elder sister had rebelled and left home early, going her own way—finding her artistic self and being her own person.  Following the Nevus Event, after Mana had lost everything (including her father), she had foolish let herself be made the pliant victim of her first-ever “boyfriend”, a post-apocalyptic gang leader.   After Gianna Benz had saved her from that hopeless fate, she had foolish put her faith and trust in Gianna Benz and had become a courtesan, doing everything Gianna asked her to do, being everything Gianna wanted her to be, and doing it all without question.  What a fool Mana considered herself to have been.    

 

Then, foolishly she had left LA and endangered herself by traveling across the dangerous country to come to NYC.  In NYC she had foolishly believed that other Japanese-Americans would offer help and solace to her.  They had not. They had looked at Mana and saw her as nothing more than an annoyance.  The world was now a harsher, harder place, and Mana was not made of that harsher, harder stuff. 

 

Finally, Mana felt she had found someone, a person, who she could totally trust and open up to—a person who would not make a fool of her.  That person was Ishsa.  Mana didn’t know or sense that Ishsa was using a glamour to induce her to be obedient.  She didn’t sense that Ishsa was anything like her father, or anything like her first abusive boyfriend, or anything like the power-hungry Gianna Benz.  She sensed only goodness and kindness and Peter Pan-like innocence in Ishsa.   And with these thoughts in her mind, Mana answered Ishsa's questions: 

 

“Yes, I know who you are.  You are my first real friend.  You are the first person who I have ever met who I will be able to depend upon and trust.  You are special in ways I can’t even imagine.  That is who you are.  And believe it or not, I love you.”  Mana was making this passionate speech while Ishsa was kneeling at her feet, removing her dirty and overly-worn out sneakers.  Mana was beaming with pleasure at her speech and at the knowledge that she had finally found a real friend.  Mana didn’t question at all what Ishsa was doing.  In fact, having been one of Gianna Benz’s girls for so long had inured her to having others dress her or apply cosmetic to her—it was part of being one of Gianna Benz’s girls--so Mana simply let Ishsa do what she had to do—unquestioningly.  It came naturally to Mana.   And then she heard Ishsa say something that seemed so endearing: 

 

 

❥ "I wish you forever to stay with me. "  Mana wanted to be with Ishsa forever too.  It was going to be perfect.  There was an April moon above.  It was shockingly a full moon.  Mana had been raised in an Asian culture and a full moon resonated deeply inside her.  It was part of a Chinese holiday where two lovers were separated forever.  It was also the day each month on which Buddhists made offerings.  So, Mana felt some elemental change was happening.  She associated this change with Ishsa.  Mana imagined that Ishsa was some incredible being who changed people’s fates.  

 

 

❥ "Out here, by the pink light, you can view your crown without hindrance."   ❥ "You must see,"  As Ishsa led Mana into the lake, the water was shockingly icy.  Mana bore it with stoic patience—the way Mana had always endured adversity.  It was just one more adventure in her life was the way Mana saw it, and icy water was sort of like a very painful Baptism.  Mana saw the moon, large and bright, reflected on the lake’s shimmering water.  She saw how Ishsa seemed totally comfortable wading into the lake, not shivering at all, leading Mana forward to some new destiny.  All around the lake she saw large trees casting their moonlight shadows outward onto the water.  Looming above them was that Disney-like castle.  The whole seen was Salvador Dali-surreal.  But as they went further into the icy water, the water rose all the way to Mana's thighs, soaking her thread-thin blue jeans.  Still, Mana held onto Ishsa and let Ishsa guide her into still deeper water.  

 

❥ "First, I promised you a drink…"  Mana now remembered expressing thirst, and here was Ishsa, always so perfect, always so thoughtful, offering her a drink.  It was almost too perfect to be true.  Mana, though now shivering violently, leaned forward and let her lips open as her face pressed into the hand-cup that Ishsa presented.  And Mana drank the water, just a sip, and never once thought it might be polluted or bacteria-infected, she simply sipped a small amount and felt the moisture inside her parched mouth.  "It is sort of like a baptism, isn't it?"  

[Ishsa Nestra]

“Yes, I know who you are. You are my first real friend. You are the first person who I have ever met who I will be able to depend upon and trust. You are special in ways I can’t even imagine. That is who you are. And believe it or not, I love you.”

Mana’s words filled the Fae, and delight expanded outward in a delicious wave along her nerves. The girl spoke beautifully and honestly, and Ishsa rumbled with approval at each word. She was all those things, dependable and trustable, and special too! In her own mind she was very special indeed. A not so subtle, prideful smile formed and a glimpse of the Fae’s pearly white teeth could be seen.

A hush of breeze caressed Ishsa’s neck and the waters of Belvedere Lake lapped against her skin. Shifting silt cushioned the pads of her feet and between her toes. Air, Water and Earth - the eternal trinity of nature was present in this moment. [ishsa]What is not to be believed? That you could love me?[/ishsa] Almost the Fae was offended. Did the girl think she was unworthy of being loved so quickly? Closer study of her companion soothed Ishsa’s ire; Mana spoke true. Truth was in her eyes and in her words both; neither showed rudeness or insult. And as she drank, Mana’s lips brushed upon Fae fingers and Ishsa lifted her hands higher to offer more and more, though a sip was all that was taken. The make-shift cup lowered as the unconsumed water droplets returned to the mysterious dark of the lake.

[ishsa]Little Princess, do you not yet know? I have loved you upon our first meeting. For always and ever, no one will love you as I. Nothing shall part us. Forever you will be a muse of the Wood.[/ishsa] Ishsa peered into Mana’s shadowed face. [ishsa]Do you fear this? Are you afraid? Just a little more… You are beautiful.[/ishsa] An admiring wet hand drew through the girl’s long hair.

This approval was genuine, the Fae wished to keep Mana forever. There was no falsity in her; she could not lie, but her love was a passion that consumed. Unceasing it spurred her actions ever forward. The Fae was not human though; her thoughts and wants were alien and compassion was not an emotion she had retained in this new world. Her mind worked, not out of malice or evil tendencies but from chaotic Fae nature. Her sensibilities were beyond a humans and often difficult to understand.

“It is sort of like a baptism, isn’t it?”

It was. [ishsa]You will be born anew, a part of the Wood, a part of the Lake… and of Ishsa as well. Svyazannyy (connection) we will have...[/ishsa] Her voice hummed with passion and hidden meaning. Importance filled the small space between them. The energies of nature were all around them. [ishsa]Can you not feel this? Look upon yourself, in the water. Look close. Look closer and you will find that which you seek. Svyazannyy.[/ishsa] Gently, her fingers pushed upon Mana’s back and urged her to see. [ishsa]It is there; just there in the waters… tell me what you see.[/ishsa] She insisted, with voice urgent.
 

[Mana Aizawa]

 Mana felt like her mind was being controlled.  She felt like she had lost all her will-power.   Her shoes?  She didn't even know where they were (not that they would be a loss).  And Ishsa, did she really love her?  Had she said that?  Where had that come from?  Nothing was making any sense to Mana.  Her whole life she had been an obedient girl.  And now?  Now she was still being that obedient girl.  Her sister would laugh at her, but her sister was dead.  

 

The water was so very icy cold, but Ishsa's reaction was like it was bath water warm.  Mana watched Ishsa, watched her gown absorb water.  She watched Ishsa seem to glory in this "ceremony."  If there had been more people, Mana would have felt that she had stumbled into a cult.  But no, this was just Ishsa, the loveliest girl Mana had ever seen, and the most . . . beguiling.  This was something way beyond what Mana could understand.  Mana didn't even remember how she had gotten here.  There was song and running--so much running.  And flowers and charms.  There was even a castle and a princess.   

 

"You will be born anew, a part of the Wood, a part of the Lake… and of Ishsa as well. Svyazannyy (connection) we will have..."    Mana listened and felt ever so much like she were in some kind of really weird movie.  Next Merlin would appear and Sir Lancelot.  Maybe even Guinnevere.  And there would lyrics, something like the following: "Guinnevere . . . why can't she see me? Guinnevere drew pentagrams, like yours, my lady like yours . . . she shall be free."  

 

And how could she be born anew?  Mana had been raised to be scientific.  She was a reader.  She thought logically (most of the time).  But this was like something right out of  one of her favorite author's novels.  It was just like Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World.  In that Murakami novel there were people without shadows and a fearsome gatekeeper and even unicorns.  In this adventure there was Ishsa.  What was she?  What language was she speaking?  "Svyazannyy"?  

 

Mana could feel herself shivering and the shivering was getting worse.  Why wasn't Ishsa also shivering?  It seemed like there were now seagulls circling, but Mana knew that they would be owls.  It was night--so very late.  Late.  Too late?  

 

 

 

 "Can you not feel this? Look upon yourself, in the water. Look close. Look closer and you will find that which you seek. Svyazannyy."   Mana could feel something.  She just didn't know what she was feeling anymore.  She looked at the water and what she saw was not much, so she looked closer, leaned closer, leaned even more and looked, and while she looked at the water, she wrapped her arms tightly about herself.  That word, what was it?  What did I seek, Mana asked herself.  Ishsa promised to teach her.  But her ways of teaching were like Carlos Castaneda's Don Juan, so hard to figure out, so abstract.  Mana wished for clarity and simplicity.  Ishsa was neither and she offered no easy way.  

 

"It is there; just there in the waters… tell me what you see."  Mana finally looked up from the water and paused, afraid to actually put words to what she had seen (or not seen).  "I see a frightened and timid girl.  I see myself.  What is wrong with me? Tell me."